“It’s better to be proactive than reactive.” (Jack McMaster, usually when giving me advice related to parenting my own children)
This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article on the same topic: First Get the Whole Story. Here is the transcript of the podcast:
Have you ever been guilty of jumping to a conclusion before having all the information, and then regretting your response? I have, and on today’s episode, that’s the question we are going to explore. There’s a verse in Proverbs, chapter 18 and verse 13, that speaks to this topic when it says, “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.” Therefore, I want to take a few minutes to talk about the importance of hearing before answering, to avoid the folly and shame that comes when we do the opposite.
I have probably been most guilty of doing this to my own children. Usually, it looks something like this: I hear a noise, or I see a mess, and I immediately jump to conclusions about what my child must have done or said, and I react. Too many times, that response has been followed by learning that I answered before hearing the whole story, and my response was wrong. A great example of this is one carried out by my father to me when I was a young teenager, and one that I would tease him about for years afterward. In this situation, my elementary school-aged sister was playing with her dolls and her dollhouse and asked me to play with her, with her dolls. I was doing something else at the moment, so I told her I couldn’t. Unbeknownst to me, she then went to my dad and told him a story of how I had said very mean and hurtful things to her. He came into the room and proceeded to give me a painful consequence, catching me by surprise. It was only afterward that he heard my side of the story and had to apologize for reacting wrongly to me.
Now, my dad was a wonderful father, so don’t judge him for this unless you can say unequivocally that you have never jumped to a conclusion, made wrong assumptions, and reacted differently than you should have before hearing the whole story. But this is often our natural tendency, and it takes intentional work to exercise the discipline of seeking the whole truth and the full story. And that’s what we should be doing in every context and situation: setting aside our preconceived bias and beliefs, seeking to hear and learn the full story, and then determining the best response.
As a leader, this needs to characterize our responses. I know that there are situations that require a quick and decisive response, but hopefully, your leadership experience has equipped you to be prepared to respond to those kinds of situations out of your breadth of leadership when you don’t have time to gather more information in the moment. I also know that if we can be too slow sometimes, taking the time to gather so much detail that it paralyzes momentum. But in most cases, you need to take some time to get the whole picture before formulating the right response. I can tell you, in my role as a school administrator, when I had to discipline student behavior, I never regretted carefully getting the whole story first.
So here’s what you need to take away: It is important to gather all the facts and information, as much as is reasonably possible, before determining your response. This applies to addressing conflicts between people, determining strategic next steps in a plan, or responding to a challenge you are facing.
So, I will circle back to the verse I started with: “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.” If we don’t learn to look before we leap, or listen before we respond, we will likely make decisions that lead to messes that we have to clean up, and apologies that we need to make. Therefore, when you are confronted with a situation that you need to address . . . first, get the whole story.
Early in my experience as an educator, I heard my administrator say to parents (tongue-in-cheek), “If you don’t believe half of what your student says happened in the classroom, we won’t believe half of what they tell us happened at home.” Like many humorous comments, this contains a morsel of truth. People have a tendency to represent facts in such a way as to paint themselves in the best possible light, and children are no different. Often over the years, I have fielded phone calls from parents who were contacting me because of what their child said happened in class (things like, “my child told me that the teacher said this in class!”). I quickly learned to redirect their concern to the teacher, so that the parent could hear the whole story. Nearly every time, the parent has come back to me and said, “Now that I have the whole story, it makes a lot more sense.” (And most of the time, the story the child told at home was an effort to cover up or misdirect from wrong choices of behavior made by the student in the classroom.)
There are two particular passages in Scripture that have greatly helped me to understand this idea. One is Proverbs 18:13, which says, “He who answers a matter before he hears the facts—it is folly and shame to him” (Amplified Bible). The Message says it even more plainly: “Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.” This verse was first shared with me by a professor when I was completing a marriage and family counseling internship, as an exhortation to probe and question thoroughly before drawing conclusions in the counseling setting. For quite a while, I literally kept the verse written on a notecard, taped on top of my desk, as a reminder. I have since learned that this verse applies to many circumstances, not just to a counseling session. When you deal with people (and most of us do), you will have the experience of people telling you the story from their own perspective, which will likely mean that it may or may not be true (as I shared in a previous post, “Either It’s True or It’s Not”). It is foolish and stupid to react or respond without first getting the whole story
The second verse is James 1:19, which says, “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” As many grandmothers have shared with their grandchildren, “There’s a reason why God gave us two ears and one mouth; we should listen twice as much as we speak!” This verse has been a constant reminder to me to be careful to listen first, although, in the process of my growth as a leader, it was a lesson that sometimes came the hard way.
For example, in one particular organization in which I worked, I made a spectacular blunder that loudly and clearly drove this lesson home to me. I was leading a small group of event planners in planning for one specific event, and everyone in the group (except me) had been involved in that organization for several years. As the leader, I felt that I should take charge of presenting good ideas, so I began the first meeting by telling the rest of the group all of my ideas. My enthusiasm (combined with the fact that I had not yet established trust or relationship) resulted in the rest of the group shutting down while giving verbal support to my ideas. However, over the next few days, I began to hear from others that the entire committee was frustrated with me, and the event was now in jeopardy. I had to go back to the committee and apologize for speaking without listening, and then I had to make it safe for them to talk. When I did that, I learned so much about the history and tradition associated with that event and could see that I had been on the verge of causing damage to the culture. I needed to take the time to listen, understand history, and get the whole story.
The added bonus is that when you take time to learn the whole story, you are much more likely to be able to discern if it is true or if it is not. In Deuteronomy 18:21-22, Moses provided some direction to the people of Israel to help them understand how to discern this, when he said, “And if you say in your heart, ‘How may we know the word that the Lord has not spoken?’— when a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the word does not come to pass or come true, that is a word that the Lord has not spoken; the prophet has spoken it presumptuously. You need not be afraid of him.” He made the point that if you take the time to observe and get the whole story, beginning to end, you can tell if it is true or not.
It is easy for a leader to assume that leadership means taking charge and giving direction. However, I believe that these principles from Scripture give us a very different picture: leadership should be characterized by listening. Ask questions. Make it safe for people to share. Validate. And make sure you get the whole story before you react.
“Sometimes it costs less to pay someone else to do it than it does to do it yourself.”
This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article on the same topi: learning to delegate. Here is the transcript of the podcast:
Have you ever worn yourself out doing something by yourself because no one else will do it, or because they will not do it as well as you know it needs to be done? I have, and on today’s episode, that’s the question we are going to explore. It’s really the question of control, of whether or not we are willing to relinquish control and to ask, assign, or allow someone else to do something. Therefore, we’re going to talk about the importance of delegating.
In the first few months of my first experience as Head of School, I was confronted with this lesson. And I mean that literally – my boss confronted me about it. I was young, and although I had administrative experience, it had been in a supporting role. I had never had my own administrative assistant before, and I was used to doing all the detail work on my own in order for my necessary tasks to be done, and to be done well. But now I was the Head of
School, with an administrative assistant. In spite of that, I was doing my own detail work – preparing and printing documents, managing my calendar, and running errands for myself. It didn’t take long before my boss called me into his office to tell me I needed to delegate to my assistant. I felt guilty about handing off work that I could do myself . . . until he reminded me that there was other work that I needed to be doing that she couldn’t, and therefore I needed to give her work that she could do for me, so I could focus on the other things that only I could do. He also reminded me that by not delegating many of these things to her, I was preventing her from doing her job well, which was not fair to her.
The truth is, you cannot do it all. Exodus 18 paints a picture of this with Moses when we see him handling ALL of the legal disputes and cases. His father-in-law pointed out to him that it was a pace he could not maintain, and explained how the end result would be bad for both Moses and the people. In the same way, if you are leading an organization, you are not and should not be a one-man show. And so, you need to be willing to delegate. Other people have skills that you do not have (or they need to be able to learn those skills), or they have specific responsibilities that are part of their duties, and so it is important that you not get in the way of that, for their sake as well as yours. You also need to be willing to let them do it even if you don’t think they can do it as well as you. First of all, humility is a much better character trait than arrogance, so accept that you might not be as good as you think, and they might be better than you think. Second of all, they cannot learn and grow the way that they need to if they are not given the opportunity to try and to make mistakes.
This boils down to the fact that the ability – and the willingness – to delegate is an important and necessary skill. Remember, It’s not just important for you, it’s also important for them. In your leadership, you need to be looking for three things:
- Those things that should be done by someone else, because that person is better at it than you, or that person has the responsibility to do it, and you don’t.
- Those things that can be done by someone else, and be done well enough, in order to free you to put more focus on things that are more important for you to do.
- Those things that ought to be given by you to someone else, so that you can be intentional about giving them opportunities for growth.
Here’s what you need to take away: If you don’t learn to delegate appropriately, both your leadership and your personal well-being will suffer. You will likely burn out, cause others to feel unvalued or inconsequential, and your work will become less effective and less excellent. As my dad would say, sometimes it costs less to pay someone else to do something than to do it yourself. In this case, it will likely cost you more to do it yourself than it would if you were to delegate.
So, it’s time to self-reflect and identify where, why, and how you need to begin delegating. If you already are, that’s wonderful, but if you are not, then go back to three things you need to look for: what should be done by someone else, what can be done by someone else, and what you ought to give to someone else. Then take your first step, and delegate.
I am not a micro-manager, nor do I try to do everything. I have learned (sometimes in humiliating fashion) that there are many who have far more knowledge and much greater ability than I do. And so I have also learned the value of asking questions and letting other people do what they do well. At times, though, that has not prevented me from trying to control, manage, or do everything, usually because of the mistaken assumption that only I can do what needs to be done in the way it needs to be done. The result, typically, is that I become exhausted or overwhelmed, others are deprived of the opportunity to grow and excel, and there are things that get missed, all because I did not delegate.
Exodus 18:13-27 provides a fantastic example of the lesson of delegation. What’s described in this passage is the story of how Moses, the leader of Israel’s exodus from Egypt, was hard at work doing what leaders often do: managing conflict. His father-in-law came to visit and observed Moses’ leadership activity, and this is what he saw: 1) Moses was the primary decision-maker, and 2) it was consuming him (v. 13). In fact, it is worth noting that he was so committed to the task of ministry that he was unable to tend to his family (verse 2 says that Moses had sent his wife and children to stay with her parents during this time). When his father-in-law observed this, he decided to step in, paint a picture of what was happening, and provide some counsel to teach Moses the value of delegating.
A verse-by-verse analysis of that passage in Exodus provides a wealth of information that helps us understand this principle of delegation. First, we see the problem with Moses’ failure to delegate (vv. 14-16), and the resulting impact (vv. 17-18). Moses’ method of leadership revealed:
- Micro-management – he was trying to do it all, by himself;
- Over-commitment – it was consuming his entire day, to the neglect of other needs;
- Self-importance – he believed he was the only one who could do it; and
- Spiritual justification – he justified his behavior as an important task for God.
The effect of this method included:
- Collateral damage – it impacted the people around him who were trying to help;
- Burnout – he was literally wearing himself (and others) out;
- Over-burdened – he was carrying too much weight and responsibility, which would make him ineffective; and
- Isolation – he was trying to do all this by himself, which left him alone.
Then we see the proposed solution (vv. 19-22) and the expected benefit (vv. 22-23) of changing his method. A change in leadership style, specifically by learning to delegate, would involve six components:
- Advocating – establishing himself as the representative of the people;
- Communicating – expressing expectations and instructions;
- Selecting – choosing additional leadership, people who were capable, had integrity, and feared God;
- Delegating – assigning tasks and responsibility;
- Empowering – providing the authority to serve and lead in the assigned roles; and
- Regulating – establishing the hierarchy, division of responsibilities, and process of managing and supervising.
The result of this type of delegation would make the work of the ministry much easier. Because the load would be shared, it would produce these benefits for both Moses and the people:
- It would be God’s work, not Moses’ work;
- As a result, the direction would be more clear;
- The burden would be bearable; and
- The customers would be satisfied.
Moses did listen to his father-in-law (demonstrating a teachable spirit) and incorporated these suggestions into his leadership practice. This passage in Exodus concludes with a description of how he did this, by selecting competent leaders and giving them their responsibilities. They fulfilled their responsibilities well, while Moses continued to manage the most difficult issues and conflicts. This is a powerful lesson and example for us as leaders. All too often, under the guise of “serving God,” we do too much and do it by ourselves, believing that this behavior is a mark of spirituality and a servant’s heart. In reality, it makes us ineffective for God, and most of the time, it damages relationships (particularly those closest to us – our families). Learning to delegate is a valuable principle and practice of leadership, demonstrated by Moses. Let’s follow that example.
“The mind can absorb no more than the seat can endure.” (Pastor Jack McMaster on why he didn’t preach long sermons)
This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article on the same topic: the importance of giving people the opportunity to try. Here is the transcript of the podcast:
Have you ever thought, “If only someone would give me a chance”? I have, and on today’s episode, that’s the question we are going to explore. Whether it’s fear of failure or of how it might make you look, unrealistic expectations or perfectionism, or for some other reason, often we are looking for a chance but don’t take the opportunity when it presents itself. So today, we are going to talk about why it matters to try something that is new or that scares you, and why it’s important to give the people you work with the opportunity to try as well.
I have to admit, I’m a little bit of a perfectionist. Or maybe a lot of a perfectionist. For that reason, and mixed with my people-pleasing tendency, I will sometimes resist trying something that I think I might not do right the first time, especially if someone else is watching. But I’ve also learned I need to try anyway. I once tried to sing in the choir at church, and the director asked me to narrate the program because my singing was throwing off everybody around me (think “Barney Fife” in the Andy Griffith episode where the church choir was singing in a competition). But I also remember the first time I was offered a head of school role. I felt unqualified and unprepared, but I also knew it was what God was calling me to do, so I tried, and God blessed the work and grew me.
Clearly, I was not successful in everything I tried, but if I hadn’t tried, I wouldn’t have been successful in anything. A big part of the learning is in the doing, and if I waited until I was perfect and knew everything before trying, chances are I would never try. Along the way, I found some things I could learn to do well and others that were not in my wheelhouse. But even in the things I learned to do well, I made a lot of mistakes along the way, so I needed to give myself permission to make those mistakes, or else I might have quit trying.
There is a learning curve in everything new that you do, and research shows that the first part of a learning curve is actually a dip in performance before the improvement and growth begin to happen. Often, people will experience this initial decline, assume it means failure, and quit before the upswing in growth. You need to understand this in yourself, but you also need to understand it in others. It is in the trying and the doing that you will learn, grow, and develop. Likewise, it is in the trying and the doing that those you are mentoring or leading will learn, grow, and develop, so it actually becomes your responsibility to find ways for them to try. Side note here: like I said on the last episode, if you don’t make it safe for them to fail, you probably won’t be able to convince them to try.
So here’s what you need to take away: I have often told students when dealing with a discipline situation, that if I were perfect, I could expect the same from them, but I’m not, so I can’t. In the same way, you will not be perfect the first time you try something, nor will others that you are leading or developing. However, you – and they – will learn in the process, therefore, it is so important that you be willing to try, and that you give others the opportunity to try as well.
The bottom line is this – you need to be willing to try, and willing to give others a chance to try as well. As I already mentioned when I referenced the last episode, making it safe to fail is a critical factor in getting people to be willing to try. If they – and you – don’t try, you will never know if you can, and you jeopardize your own learning and growth. So give yourself and others a chance to try.
I vividly remember one particular day in my 8th grade math class. I don’t remember what concept the teacher was teaching, and I don’t remember many of the details, but I remember the specific experience. The teacher was reviewing concepts from the previous night’s assignment and called me up to the chalkboard to work out one of the problems. The next few moments were terrifying for me. I was so scared to stand in front of my classmates and demonstrate a math concept that my hands began to visibly shake as I walked to the front of the room, and then . . . I don’t remember anything else until I sat back down. What happened between standing up and sitting down was and is a complete blank. I knew at that moment that I could never do something that would require me to be in front of people.
So, there is great irony (and providence) in the fact that my career has required extensive interaction with and in front of people. I would never have imagined that I would have had the opportunity and experience of leading organizations, speaking in front of people, and developing other leaders. When I think about this, I can see that there are several important factors that played a role in my development, but one of those was simply the opportunity to try. My church asked me to teach a class, an administrator gave me some responsibilities, a student group asked me to speak at an event, and a variety of other opportunities were provided that helped me to grow as a leader and helped me to develop skills.
You see, leadership development doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It involves both knowledge and practice, both learning and doing. You learn a lot by studying, by having someone teach you, but you also learn a lot by doing. Therefore, a critical component of leadership development takes place when people are given the opportunity to try by getting the chance to do. That’s why John Kotter, when he speaks about creating a culture of leadership, says that “people who provide effective leadership in important jobs always have a chance, before they get into those jobs, to grow beyond the narrow base that characterized most managerial careers. . . . The breadth of knowledge developed in this way seems to be helpful in all aspects of leadership” (What Leaders Really Do, in HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Leadership (2011)). This is why you need to take opportunities that are presented to you, even if it is a little outside of your comfort zone. You need to be willing to overcome your fears and stretch yourself, knowing that you won’t do everything well and you’ll make mistakes, but you will learn and improve.
While this is true for you, it’s also true for those you are leading. George, Sims, McLean, and Mayer, in an article discussing Authentic Leadership, explain that “authentic leaders . . . know the key to a successful organization is having empowered leader at all levels, including those who have no direct reports. They not only inspire those around them, they empower those individuals to step up and lead” (Discovering Your Authentic Leadership, in HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Leadership (2011)). You will be a much better leader if you intentionally look for opportunities for those you lead, opportunities for them to step up and take some leadership, to stretch themselves, and to grow their abilities. Perhaps it involves leading a project or a task; maybe it’s leading a discussion, study, or meeting; it could be taking the lead on learning a new concept to share with others. It can be a variety of ways, but regardless of what path you use, be purposeful about providing growth experiences.
The simple truth is that growth and development take place when you have the opportunity to try. Therefore it makes sense that you must be intentional about taking those opportunities, and it also makes sense that – if you want to be a leader who develops others and you want an organization with a culture of leadership development – you become intentional about giving others those opportunities. Take advantage of experiences that will help you grow, and give your people a chance to try.