Leadership lessons, connected with faith and wisdom.

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Lessons on Leadership from the Little Things in Life: Some Things Can’t Be Undone

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it teaches us that there are some things that cannot be undone.

I was reminded of this when my granddaughter was playing with Play-Doh. We were sitting at the table, with all the different Play-Doh colors in front of her. She had a variety of molds and was using them to press the Play-Doh into different shapes and then telling stories with what she made. At some point, she took two different colors and squished them together. After a few minutes of playing with it like that, she handed it back to me and asked me to fix it and take it apart. But (if you have ever played with Play-Doh), you know very well that that was not about to happen. Once it has been mixed together, there is no way that you can completely separate it again.

The same is true for a lot of things. I can remember when I wanted to bake a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies to impress my bride early in our marriage, but without realizing I mixed up the measurements for the salt and the sugar. When the cookies were done, I gave one fresh out of the oven to my wife, excited for her to try them. She took one bite and asked me why it tasted like she was licking a block of salt. I didn’t want the cookies to go to waste and thought they couldn’t be that bad, so I decided that I could put up with salty cookies and was going to eat them anyway. It only took me one bite to realize that they were inedible, and there was nothing I could do to change that.

You probably have some examples of your own that illustrate the same thing: that is, some things can’t be undone. There are some things that, once you do them, you can undo, or put back to its original state, or restore to what it was. But there are other things for which, once they have happened, there is no going back. When hurtful words come out of your mouth, you can’t unsay them. When you spend resources on something that failed, you cannot recoup that loss. And when you make a bad decision, you can’t avoid the consequences.

So, if you cannot undo it once it’s been done, then what can you do? There are steps that you can take, and usually in this order:

  1. Take responsibility. You made a mistake, whether intentionally or not, and now you need to take ownership of it. Acknowledge what happened and the mess that it made.
  2. Learn from what happened. You need to reflect on what happened and determine what you can learn from it. Then take those lessons, and use them to grow and be better.
  3. Restore what you can. As much as is possible, repair what you can. Whether it’s relationships, resources, or processes, do whatever you can to restore what was damaged.
  4. Do something different. Once you have owned it, learned from it, and fixed what you can, now take what you’ve learned and do something different.

That’s the lesson of leadership from this little thing in life, from my granddaughter mixing two colors of Play-Doh together that could not be unmixed. You will make mistakes and do some things that cannot be undone, and, as hard as you try, you’re not going to avoid this ever happening. But Proverbs tells us that a righteous man falls down seven times and rises again. Just because you’ve done something that is irreparable does not mean that you can’t learn from it and be better. When you have done something you cannot undo, then do the right thing in response. Own it, learn from it, repair what you can, and do something different to move forward.

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Podcast Season 3, Episode 28: Lessons on Leadership from the Little Things in Life (Every Moment Is a Teachable Moment)

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it reminds us that every moment is a teachable moment.

Here is the link to the podcast.

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Lessons on Leadership from the Little Things in Life: Every Moment Is a Teachable Moment

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it reminds us that every moment is a teachable moment.

This is a lesson that jumped out at me when my children were little. They were in elementary school, and we were on our way to school in the morning. We pulled up to a stoplight at an intersection near our home, one that had multiple lanes. We were in the middle lane, and there were cars in front of us and on both sides of us (which is an important detail to know, with what I am about to describe). While I was waiting for the light to turn, I could see a minivan in my review mirror that did not seem to be slowing down. As she got a little closer, I could see that the driver was a woman with children in the back, and she was looking at her cell phone and not paying attention. It was clear that she was going to hit the back of my car, and I had all kinds of thoughts start going through my head (like “I have no way of getting out of the way,” and “Don’t panic and don’t say anything, so that the kids will be relaxed when we get hit and will, therefore, be less likely to be injured!”). At the last moment, she looked up, slammed on her brakes, screeched to a stop, and bumped lightly into the back of our car.

She came to enough of a stop that it did no damage, but in that moment, when the kids asked me what had just happened, the next thought that went through my mind was, “My kids are going to learn by what they see me do right now and how I respond.” With that thought in my head, I chose to tell my kids in a calm voice that someone had just bumped into our car, and we needed to pray for her because she must be having a hard day and we didn’t know what she was having to deal with in her life. Then I told them to keep praying for her while I went out to talk to her. Outside, I could see that there was no damage to my car at all, and I consciously chose to not express anger at her (because, again, I was thinking about what my children would learn as they were watching me out of the window). I hope that afterward she made it safely to wherever she going, but the most important thing for me that came from that experience was that every moment is a teachable moment to the people that are around you, and especially to the people who are close to you.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 conveys the same truth when it says, “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Moses, speaking on behalf of God, describes how learning is happening all the time, in lots of ways, and both formally and informally. He applied this truth to the parent-child relationship, because children will learn not just from what their parents say, but also from what they see their parents do. In fact, I believe they will learn more from what they see than what they hear. As my dad would say to me, “Your walk talks and your talk talks, but your walk talks louder than your talk talks.”

The same idea is true in your leadership. People are always watching you and learning from what they see. They are paying attention to how you handle yourself in difficult circumstances, how you are treating people, and how you respond in any given moment. What they see will teach them something, whether you realize it or not. You may teach them something about your character, or you may teach them how to act in a similar context, but you either way, you are teaching them. It’s up to you to decide what you are teaching.

That’s the lesson on leadership from this little thing in life, from an almost-car accident that made me think about what my children would learn from what they saw me do. You may not realize it, but you are a teacher. People are learning from you, often without you saying a word and without your knowledge. That is a great power that you have, and, as Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben said in Spiderman, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Always remember that people are watching and will learn from what they see, so that you can choose to be intentional about what you are teaching them. Because every moment is a teachable moment.

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Podcast Season 3, Episode 27: Lessons on Leadership from the Little Things in Life (Age and Time Happen to Everyone)

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it teaches us something about the change that happens over time.

Here is the link to the podcast.

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Lessons on Leadership from the Little Things in Life: Age and Time Happen to Everyone

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it teaches us something about the change that happens over time.

I had an obvious and humbling reminder of this as I was playing with my grandchildren. We were on the floor together, playing with their toys, when I needed to get up to put the dog outside. I stood up, and that’s when it happened: I heard myself groan out loud. The sound of it stopped me in my tracks as I realized what it meant. I’m sure it was not the first time I groaned like that, but it was the first time that I noticed it. And that made me start thinking about all the other things that I do and the help that I need, like wearing readers or taking medicine, simply because I am aging.

You see, people, relationships, and circumstances do not remain static. They age and change over time (like me) and when they do, they require maintenance and care. In fact, experience and my counseling background have taught me that these things (people, relationships, and circumstances) tend to be either in a state of cultivation or deterioration, but not in between. They don’t stay the same, they don’t remain stagnant, so if you are not intentionally cultivating them, they will naturally decline and deteriorate. That’s the reason why you have to work at maintaining and developing them.

The same is true in organizations, which is significant for your leadership. They don’t remain static, but, rather, age and time bring change. Therefore you have to be intentional about how you navigate it. Some things need regular maintenance, like an oil change. Some things have become worn down and need to be refreshed, like a tuneup for your car. Some things need to be updated or replaced because they’ve worn out or are broken down, like when I had to replace the heating element in my dryer because it was no longer working effectively. Regardless, you cannot ignore it or do nothing. If you are not taking steps to address it, things will break down, and the damage and cost will be much more significant and more difficult to repair.

That’s the lesson on leadership from this little thing in life, from hearing myself groan as I stood up. Wear and tear happens over time, which leads to deterioration. It is necessary for you to be intentional about maintaining and cultivating people, relationships, and your organization in order to navigate change with progress and growth and to maintain health. Remember, your organization either develops or declines, in part, based on how you take care of it. Age and time catches up to everyone, so be intentional about how you manage it.

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Podcast Season 3, Episode 26: Lessons on Leadership from the Little Things in Life (What Is Your Crisis Response?)

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it teaches us something about responding to crises.

Here is the link to the podcast.

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Lessons on Leadership from the Little Things in Life: What Is Your Crisis Response?

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it teaches us something about responding to crises.

We had a great lesson in this when a UPS driver delivered a package to our house in the middle of the day. When he left it at the front door, he rang the doorbell. My two-year-old and five-year-old grandchildren were in the house, and when the doorbell rang, three things immediately happened: the dog barked loudly, one grandchild ran to our room and dove on the bed and under the covers, while the other one ran yelling to the front door. My wife jokingly commented that we have one who runs away from danger and one who runs toward it!

I can also remember in my first experience as a head of school (one that was in partnership with a church), when I would meet with the church leaders every week as part of the leadership team. Over time, when we would discuss issues that we would face or items that would require a decision, a pattern began to emerge, which was that one of the pastors would immediately jump to his answer, and then talk it through out loud, and often by the end of his conversation, he was at a different place than he was at the beginning. The other two pastors would jump in after a little bit and start to dialogue back-and-forth. I would be thinking and processing about the issue, and listening to what everyone else was saying, but without speaking, and when they were all done, I would provide my input. One of them was always the first one to speak, I was always the last one to speak, and the others were somewhere in between. Each approach had its benefits, but each also had its shortcomings.

In the same way, we all have different responses to crises and circumstances, and our response is often dependent on our leadership style, our personal characteristics, the current context, and our past experience. The end result is that a crisis comes or a decision needs to be made, and we respond based on that combination of things, which may be different than the way someone else might respond. However you respond, though, you need to make sure it is done on purpose, for a purpose. For that to happen, you need to do two things:

  1. Understand your natural response. You may run away from danger to keep yourself and others safe, or you may run toward danger to try to intervene. You may have an immediate response that happens without thinking, or you may take a little bit of time to analyze and decide the best response. Regardless, understand what your ingrained and learned response is likely to be, so that you will know how you automatically respond when a crisis hits or a decision needs to be made.
  2. Prepare a good response. Now that you understand your own tendency, determine when your natural response is going to be the best action to take so that you are prepared and can feel confident with that response when it is needed. Then determine when a different response might be needed, and decide what you need to do in advance to be ready, which may likely involve a predetermined written plan and the involvement of others who respond differently than you.

That’s the lesson on leadership from this little thing in life, from watching two opposite reactions from my grandchildren to a doorbell ring. Know what you are going to do without thinking, and know when that will be the best response. But also know when you will need a different response, and prepare for it. Doing this can help prevent you from “leaping without looking” when you need to slow down, and from paralyzed inaction when you need to speed up. One way of responding isn’t necessarily going to always be the best way, so if you want to be prepared for crises and decisions, know yourself and make a plan.

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Podcast Season 3, Episode 25: Lessons on Leadership from the Little Things in Life (The Gift of Jesus)

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it teaches us about the importance of the gift of Jesus.

Here is the link to the podcast.

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Lessons on Leadership from the Little Things in Life: The Gift of Jesus

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it teaches us about the importance of the gift of Jesus.

I have talked about traditions that have been a regular part of Christmas for my family, and one of those traditions has been a movie that my wife and I watch every year. Every Christmas season, we love to watch “Christmas with the Kranks,” with Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis. I don’t remember when we started watching it, but I do remember that the first time we watched it, we connected with the characters. The way that they interacted with each other and how they responded to circumstances reminded us of ourselves, and we enjoyed the movie so much that we made it a tradition.

So, of course, during this most recent Christmas, we watched the movie again. I need to warn you that what I am about to say is a spoiler alert, but the movie came out a little over 20 years ago, so you’ve had plenty of time to watch it. Near the end of the movie, as they finally came to terms with the realization of the value of friends and family during Christmas, and gave up the plans that they had made to be home with her daughter, Luther (played by Tim Allen) made a significant decision. He walked across the road to his neighbor, with whom he had had frequent conflict, and gave him the trip that he and his wife had been planning to take, with all the tickets and reservations information. When the neighbor protested, Luther said, “It’s a sincere gift, no strings attached.”

This line in the movie is so appropriate for the true meaning of Christmas. God came to earth in the form of His Son, Jesus Christ, born as a baby in a manger. The whole plan and purpose that God had for this was for Jesus to become the only possible sacrifice that could pay for our sins, so that our relationship with God could be restored by placing our faith in the work of Jesus for our salvation. And this salvation that is offered by God, through Jesus, is “a sincere gift, no strings attached.”

Now that Christmas is over, and you think about the time that you had with your friends and family, or the Christmas presents you gave or received, or the celebrations you enjoyed, I hope and pray that you also take time to think about this. Jesus offers the gift of salvation, and it’s yours to accept with no strings attached. There is nothing that you need to do – or even that you can do – to earn your way into God‘s presence. Jesus paid that price, and therefore, all that is necessary for you to do is to accept the gift of salvation that Jesus offers. If you have never accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior, I pray that you would take that step today.

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Assess Yourself First, THEN Determine Your New Year’s Resolutions

When I started my doctoral program years ago, I first had to attend an orientation program with the other students who had been accepted as part of that year’s cohort. During those two weeks, we read books, listened to lectures, interacted in discussions and activities, and wrote. And wrote. And wrote.

Several of the writing assignments were specifically aimed at helping us to formulate our own personal IDP (Individual Development Plan) for the program, or, what we intended to accomplish and get out of our graduate school experience. One assignment in particular required us to take a variety of personality and ability inventories, outline our life experiences, and think through the things that most drew our interest and brought joy and fulfillment in order to identify our passion and calling.

It was this exercise that really helped me to clarify what it was that my experiences, abilities, and passions had prepared me to do during the next season of my life, and why those things were driving me. Through this process of reflection and writing, I realized what I loved doing, why I loved doing it, and how I was making a difference, and it confirmed and affirmed in me what I was doing with my life. (For me personally, it was also an affirmation of how God had gifted and prepared me, and what He had called me to do for His Kingdom.) It was a very valuable thought process, one that became a touch point in later years for keeping myself in the place where I best fit.

In the years since, I have incorporated a variety of other tools and activities to help me refine my own skill set and passions, and to help me continually improve at what I do. One of those activities is a yearly practice in December of listing my major goals for the coming year and maintaining a list of 5-year goals. The categories that work for me include personal/family goals, spiritual goals, financial goals, intellectual goals, and physical goals. This annual practice is one of the things that helps me regularly self-assess, thinking about what I’m doing, how I’m doing, and what I need to do in the near future in order to grow. As I am entering a new and different season in my life, this is just as valuable (if not more so!).

And now it’s the end of December, and the new year is ready to begin, and it’s that time when many of us have done or are doing some kind of self-assessment. We remember what we did (and didn’t) accomplish in the last year. We determine what we might want to accomplish in this next year. We try to make a fresh start. We make New Year’s resolutions.

So, as you make your resolutions this year, I would encourage you to be very intentional about this process. Identify your own specific interests, abilities, and opportunities. List your own one-year and five-year goals (and put them in a place where you can refer to them regularly). Take advantage of self-assessment tools, such as the (free) Myers-Briggs Personality Test; the One Page Personal Plan (OPPP) from Verne Harnish’s book Scaling Up;  the Rockefeller Habits, which incorporates the 5F’s (Family, Faith, Friends, Fitness, Finance); One Word that will Change Your Life, which walks you through the process of identifying the one word that will be your focus for the year; or use any other tool – or combination of tools – that works for you. Regardless of what you use, be purposeful about assessing yourself – reflect on your past experience, identify your current abilities and passions, and decide on your direction for the next year.

It’s a new year, a natural time for this kind of review. Do it, do it purposefully, and do it to grow. Happy New Year!

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