Wisdom for the practice of leadership

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Complementary Contradictions (part 4): Zoom Out and See the Forest

Sometimes, you get conflicting words of advice, one which is good and the other which is not, and it requires discernment to determine which is the right advice to follow. But often, these seeming contradictions are, in reality, complementary and, when used appropriately and in the right way, can work together to help you make better decisions. In this series of articles and podcast episodes, we are looking at different leadership ideas or principles that seem to contradict, are opposite, or at least differ from each other and pairing them up to see how they actually complement each other to make you a better leader. This week, we explore the idea that you need to be able to zoom out and see the forest, and next week, the idea that you need to be able to zoom in and see the trees.

I enjoy puzzles. I enjoy all kinds of puzzles – word puzzles, number puzzles, brain games, etc. – but in this instance, I am specifically referring to jigsaw puzzles, the ones that are pictures cut into hundreds of little pieces that need to be assembled. And I have a preferred method of assembly: first, turn all of the pieces face-up, setting aside those that have a straight edge (the outside frame); then assemble the outside frame; finally, begin to assemble the rest of the pieces, looking first for pieces that more obviously fit in the same section together. In the process of putting the puzzle together, however, one of the most important components is not the puzzle itself but rather the picture on the box.

It is the picture on the box that provides the perspective and the vision of what is being assembled. It provides a visual landscape that helps in determining the general context or place where an individual piece belongs. It’s a map that lets you see where you want to go. I once used the picture on the puzzle box to illustrate a lesson in a class I was teaching, by giving a puzzle to each of several small groups of people. Some of the groups had the puzzle box so they could see their picture, but some of the groups did not (and some had all the correct pieces, but some had the wrong pieces or were missing pieces; that served to make a different point). Part of the purpose of the lesson was to illustrate the importance of “the big picture,” or the master plan, for managing a process, a task, or life itself.

Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, by J. R. R. Tolkien, demonstrated the same concept when he and the company of dwarves were traveling through the Mirkwood Forest. As they traveled, the troupe lost sight of the path they needed to follow, became lost, and began to be disoriented. Eventually, Bilbo was sent to climb a tree in order to get above the canopy, and when he did, two things happened: his head cleared, and he could see where they were in relation to where they needed to go (in the movie, he could see the edge of the forest; in the book, he could only see more trees).

Heifetz & Laurie addressed that idea in a Harvard Business Review article, “The Work of Leadership” (2011).   In the article, they discussed the importance and challenge of adapting behaviors and changes in order to thrive in a new or different environment and specifically identified six principles for leading adaptive work. The first principle is labeled “Get on the Balcony,” which is explained as follows: “Get on the balcony. Don’t get swept up in the field of play. Instead, move back and forth between the ‘action’ and the ‘balcony.’ You’ll spot emerging patterns, such as power struggles or work avoidance. This high-level perspective helps you mobilize people to do adaptive work.” They go on to say that “business leaders have to be able to view patterns as if they were on a balcony. It does them no good to be swept up in the field of action.” The emphasis is on the importance of a leader being able to move between the balcony and the field of action, and the necessity of the balcony for providing perspective.

Collins & Hansen also addressed the idea in Great by Choice (2011), in a chapter that discusses identifying and responding to dangers and changes in the environment. Using the terms “zoom out” and “zoom in,” they point out that effective leaders, “when they sense danger, immediately zoom out to consider how quickly a threat is approaching and whether it calls for a change in plans. Then they zoom in, refocusing their energies into executing objectives.” The authors then describe the discipline required to “zoom out for fast yet rigorous decision making and zoom in for fast yet superb execution.” The discussion emphasizes the need for effective leaders to be able to step back and zoom out to the big picture in order to recognize and understand the changes and issues in the environment, which then makes them better able to zoom back in and focus on plans, objectives, and details.

The implication is simply this: a good leader needs to be able to see the big picture. Like puzzle pieces, each piece of the context, the environment, the organization, or the situation fits into a larger context, and you can best see how it fits when viewing the whole picture. In order to see the whole picture, you, as a leader, must be able to get on the balcony, zoom out, and get above the forest to be able to see clearly. Being able to do this will keep you from getting lost among the trees and will provide the perspective necessary to implement changes and adjustments. Zoom out, see the forest, and learn to see the big picture.

Collins, J., & Hansen, M. T. (2011). Great by Choice:  Uncertainty, Chaos, and Luck – Why Some Thrive Despite Them All. New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishers.

Heifetz, R. A., and Laurie, D. L. (2011). “The Work of Leadership,” in HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Leadership. Harvard Business Review Press: Boston, MA.

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Podcast Episode 30 (part 3): You Don’t See What You’re Not Looking For

This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article, part three in the series titled “Complementary Contradictions.” Here is the transcript of the podcast.

There are times when you get conflicting words of advice, one which is good and the other which is not, and it requires discernment to determine which is the right advice to follow. But often, you may hear conflicting counsel that seems to be contradictory to each other, but which is actually complementary and, when used appropriately and in the right way, can work together to help you make better decisions. That’s what we are going to be talking about in the next weeks, in both the www.LeadershipEzra.com website articles and on the weekly podcast. We will be looking at different leadership ideas or principles that seem to contradict, or at least differ from each other, and we are going to pair them up to see how they actually complement each other to make you a better leader.  Today, in part 2, we are discussing the second half of a pair, and will be talking about the idea of “You don’t see what you are not looking for”.

In the last episode, we talked about the idea that you see what you are looking for. The point we made was that, whether we realize it or not, we all develop perceptions of how we need to experience the world around us. Those perceptions tend to be based on either past experience or future expectations, or a combination of both.  We either have an experience, positive or negative, real or imagined, or we have a specific expectation that we are anticipating, and we then form a perception based on which we look for a certain outcome, and only see the things that confirm that outcome. Consciously or not, we decide what we are looking for, and only see what affirms or confirms what we expect to see.

In today’s episode, we are flipping the coin to the other side.  On the one side, we tend to see what we are looking for, but on the other side, we also tend to not see what we are not looking for.

Have you ever been looking for something in your refrigerator or medicine cabinet, and you can’t find it no matter how much you look, but then someone else grabs it right from under your nose? My wife needed to use some Vaseline, so I went to get it for her from the linen closet. I looked high and low but couldn’t find it. I went to the store, and when I found the Vaseline, all that I could see were (in my perspective) large containers. In my mind, I thought that it only came in smaller containers, but I didn’t see those there.  Wouldn’t you know, when I got home, I immediately found the Vaseline that we already had, in a larger container in the linen closet. I realized that I had looked right at it in the closet but hadn’t seen it because I was looking for something much smaller.  I didn’t see what I wasn’t looking for.

I’ve done the same thing countless times in the food pantry or in the refrigerator, looking for something with an unconscious image in my mind of what the thing looks like, and in these instances, instead of seeing what I was looking for, and because it’s what I was looking to see, I completely overlooked the thing that was right there in front of me. Once again, I didn’t see what I was not looking for.

Think about when there is a constant, repeating noise, like a ceiling fan or the humming of an air conditioner, that you tune out after a little while and don’t even notice that it is there anymore.  Your mind is focusing on other things, so it tunes those things out, and eventually, you don’t even realize that they are there.  That’s what is happening here.  It’s too overwhelming to see everything, so your brain filters out what is not necessary or relevant, and even though it’s there, you don’t see it. Therefore, if you have a picture in your mind of what you are focusing on, your brain filters out the other things. 

This idea applies to your leadership.  Whether it’s people or circumstances, it’s easy for us to miss something important because we are not looking for it.  It may be because we don’t want to see it, or because we are looking for something else, or because we are not paying attention. Regardless of the reason, we miss something important, and it results in a difficult challenge.  Once, when I was a new head of school in a new school, I was also serving as the student government advisor so that I could be connected to the student culture.  Based on my previous school experience, I had a great idea for a homecoming week activity, and I pushed the student leaders toward it.  In my mind, it was a great idea (it had worked great someplace else, so, of course it would here!), and I was only thinking about how good this would be for the students and expected them to respond that way. I didn’t even see that they were not receiving it well. It was later that their discontent with the idea – and with me – came out when someone else pointed it out to me. Because I didn’t see what I wasn’t looking for, I had a mess to clean up.

Do see how that happens? Or should I ask, do you not see how that happens because you weren’t looking for it? And just like the discussion last week of seeing what you look for, the struggle of not seeing what we are not looking for leaves me with a couple of thoughts:

1) Be self-aware.  Recognize how your own expectations and viewpoint can cause you to miss something important, and step back to make sure you are not allowing a “predetermined bias” to prevent you from seeing what you need to see.

2) Be intentional about gathering information and listening carefully before you decide what you are seeing or what you are looking for.  Otherwise, you won’t see what you are not looking for.

 The pair of principles we’ve discussed these two weeks go together:  You see what you’re looking for, and you don’t see what you’re not looking for.  With these two ideas working together, you can become much more careful and prudent about seeing what you need to see, which in turn will lead to better decisions and, therefore, better leadership.

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Complementary Contradictions (part 3): You Don’t See What You Are Not Looking For

Sometimes, you get conflicting words of advice, one which is good and the other which is not, and it requires discernment to determine which is the right advice to follow. But often, these seeming contradictions are, in reality, complementary and, when used appropriately and in the right way, can work together to help you make better decisions. In this series of articles and podcast episodes, we are looking at different leadership ideas or principles that seem to contradict, are opposite, or at least differ from each other and pairing them up to see how they actually complement each other to make you a better leader. Last week, we explored the idea that “You see what you are looking for,” and this week, the idea that  “You don’t see what you are not looking for.”

Have you ever spent hours looking for something that you lost, only to find it sometime later in an obvious and open place? I have, and it usually causes me to mutter something like, “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before, it was right in front of me!” Don’t those experiences make you wonder why you couldn’t see it in the first place? This tendency seems to reflect an idea referred to by Chabris and Simons in The Invisible Gorilla (2010) as “the illusion of attention.”

The illusion of attention is the idea that “we experience far less of our visual world than we think we do,” as Chabris and Simons state, so, “when people devote their attention to a particular area or aspect of their visual world, they tend not to notice unexpected objects, even when those unexpected objects are salient, potentially important, and appear right where they are looking.” They go on to explain that “we know how vividly we see some aspects of our world, but we are completely unaware of those aspects of our world that fall outside of that current focus of attention,”, and that “we are only aware of the unexpected objects we do notice, not the ones we have missed.”. What this all really means is that, although we believe we notice everything, especially if we are looking, we tend to miss a lot of what is right in front of us, primarily because we are not looking for that specific thing in that specific way. Therefore when I am looking for something that I have lost, without realizing it I am expecting it to look a certain way and be in a certain place, so I then overlook it when it is not in that place or it looks different than what I remember or expect; essentially, “your moment-to-moment expectations, more than the visual distinctiveness of the object, determine what you see – and what you miss.”.

The same illusion of attention takes place in the context and environment of an organization, and in ways beyond the noticing of specific physical objects. When leaders are analyzing the present culture of the organization, planning for the future, or trying to identify issues and opportunities, it can be very easy to look around or look ahead with an unconscious expectation of what you will see; the result is that you will likely see what you are looking for but will miss what you are not looking for, and not even realize it. There may be an opportunity to tap into someone’s strength or ability, there may be an idea or a new method developing in a department, or there may be a problem that needs to be addressed, but because you are not looking for it, you miss it. And when you miss it, you may lose an opportunity or create greater difficulty.

So how do you open your eyes to see more of what you might otherwise miss? I remember a number of years ago the popularity of 3D optical illusions (also called stereograms) – pictures that looked like flat geometric patterns, but when you stared into the picture and allowed your eyes to relax and un-focus, looking beyond the flat image, a 3-dimensional image would appear. There was more to the image than the first look revealed, but it required intentional effort and a different way of looking. In the same way, when you are leading an organization, there must be intentional effort to see, and to see beyond what is in front of you or what you are expecting to see. How do you do that?

  • First, recognize our tendency to not see what we are not looking for.
  • Then, remove any expectations of what you think you might see.
  • After that, you can work at zooming out and zooming in – trying to step back and take a wide-angle look at everything, then looking at more specific details, then stepping back for a wide-lens look again, and so on.
  • Finally, you can also try to look through different eyes, by trying to see through the approach or perspective of other people or other angles.

It’s fairly easy to miss things that you are not looking for.  I’ve done it when I was trying to introduce a new change that I assumed everyone would get behind, and because of what I was therefore expecting to see (their support), I only saw the examples of support and completely missed the grumbling from those who were resisting.  You could probably guess that this eventually created difficulty in the change implementation because I had failed to see it and address it early.  I looked, but I didn’t see because I was only looking for what I expected to see.  So, as Chabris and Simons said, “looking is not sufficient for seeing”; because our tendency is to only see what we are looking for, it takes a conscious effort to see things that you are not looking for.

Chabris, C., and Simons, D. (2010). The Invisible Gorilla: How Our Intuitions Deceive Us. MJF Books: New York, NY.

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Podcast Episode 29: Complementary Contradictions (part 2)

There are times when you get conflicting words of advice, one which is good and the other which is not, and it requires discernment to determine which is the right advice to follow. But often, you may hear conflicting counsel that seems to be contradictory to each other, but which is actually complementary and, when used appropriately and in the right way, can work together to help you make better decisions. That’s what we are going to be talking about in the next weeks, in both the www.LeadershipEzra.com website articles and on the weekly podcast. We will be looking at different leadership ideas or principles that seem to contradict, or at least differ from each other, and we are going to pair them up to see how they actually complement each other to make you a better leader.  Today, in part 2, we are discussing the first half of a pair, and will be talking about the idea of “You see what you are looking for”.

Whether we realize it or not, we all develop perceptions of how we need to experience the world around us. Those perceptions, it seems, are often based on either past experience or future expectation, or a combination of both.  We either have an experience, positive or negative, real or imagined, or we have a specific expectation that we are anticipating, and we then form a perception based on which we look for a certain outcome, and only see the things that confirm that outcome.

I once worked with a teacher who was a dynamic and engaging teacher, and students loved being in his classroom because of it.  However, despite his fantastic communication skills in the classroom (which he enjoyed), he struggled with the task of giving students feedback, especially in the form of analysis and grading of assignments that the students turned in.  He was an English teacher who, ironically, did not enjoy reading and writing responses to the students’ work.  As a result, and even though they enjoyed his teaching methods, they were getting increasingly frustrated with the lack of timely feedback, which they needed in order to make changes and improvements in what they were learning.  They began to complain to their parents, who then started to email him, and he was not consistent or timely in responding to those emails.  Perhaps because he didn’t enjoy conflict, perhaps because he knew where he was dropping the ball, and sometimes simply because the parents emailed using an incorrect email address.  Regardless, I began to hear that “Mr. Teacher never responds to my emails!” When I met with him to discuss this, he showed me copies of emails that he replied to in an effort to show me that, to say he never replied to emails was not true.  However, when I pressed, he had to admit that there were a number of parents to whom he had not replied or to whom he had taken a week or two to reply.  So I helped him see that he had created the perception that he did not answer emails by failing to do so consistently.  And now, because of that perception, he had a reputation as the teacher who never responded.

We talked for a while and put together a plan for him to change that perception.  It’s probably more accurate to say that I gave him a plan that I expected him to follow.  In essence, I told him that he needed to reply to every single email within the next 24-hour business day, without fail, for the next 9 weeks.  I believed that he could change that perception if he would prove to the parents with his actions that he was not the person, at least not anymore.  But I also told him that if he missed, even one time, then the parents would probably jump on it and tell me, “See, he never responds.” Why would they do that? Well, it’s because you tend to only see what you are looking for.

You see, the past experience of these parents had resulted in a future expectation of the teacher’s behavior.  Therefore, even if he did do what he was supposed to do most of the time, they would likely only notice the times he missed.  They formed the idea that he did not give feedback to their kids, and he did not communicate to parents, and any time he failed to respond to a parent therefore affirmed what they believed to be true.  Even if it largely became untrue with changes in his behavior, they were still looking for him to not respond based on their past experience, so they would only see the times he lived up – or down – to that expectation.

We need to recognize that this is a part of our human behavior. Whether in positive ways or in negative ways, we look for what we expect to see.  If there is something you regularly do in your leadership that people value, even if you don’t do it all the time, they will see it when you do because that’s what they are looking for.  The same is true for the opposite – if you do something enough times that frustrates people (and sometimes it only takes a couple of times), they will form the perception that that’s what you do, then they all see the times you do those things. 

Where does this leave you?  With two important thoughts:

  1. Be self-aware.  Recognize that you will do this just as much as anyone else, and check yourself to make sure you are seeing things in truth.
  2. Be intentional about cultivating and protecting the reputation of your character.  If you want people to see you as a leader of integrity, make sure they see it consistently so that they will give you grace with your mistakes, because they know that’s not what they would normally see.  They will only see (and remember) what they are looking for. 
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Complementary Contradictions (part 2): You See What You Are Looking For

Sometimes, you get conflicting words of advice, one which is good and the other which is not, and it requires discernment to determine which is the right advice to follow. But often, these seeming contradictions are, in reality, complementary and, when used appropriately and in the right way, can work together to help you make better decisions. In this series of articles and podcast episodes, we are looking at different leadership ideas or principles that seem to contradict, are opposite, or at least differ from each other and pairing them up to see how they actually complement each other to make you a better leader. This week, we will explore the idea that “You see what you are looking for,” and next week, “You don’t see what you are not looking for.”

You have probably heard as often as I have that “perception is reality,” but the problem of perception is that you tend to see what you are looking for, whether it is there or not.

Here’s what happens: a person will form a perception about someone or something (usually based on an experience), and then will only see those things that reinforce that perception, therefore confirming its truth to that person. For example, if I have had an experience of clumsily stubbing my toe, I might begin to form the perception that I am not graceful. I might then walk around my house for two weeks without stubbing my toe, but the next time I do stub my toe, I will say to myself, “See, look how ungraceful you are.” Rather than giving credit to how rarely I do it, I see the occasional time that I do, and see it as a confirmation of my clumsiness.

This happens all the time in organizations. Someone has a bad customer service experience, an unmet (or unrealistic) expectation, or has misinterpreted something due to misinformation or lack of context, and then they form a perception about you or about the organization. From that point forward, they tend to only notice those things that reinforce that perception.   So if they have formed a perception that you don’t care about your constituents, you may be demonstrating care frequently, but the next time you ignore their needs or don’t act helpful (whether unintentional or not), they see that as confirmation and reinforcement of their perception. Once that perception is in place, they will interpret everything through that lens. They will only see what they expect to see, or what they are looking for.

As a school administrator, I have had several instances of a teacher being perceived as a poor communicator. In most of those circumstances, it began with the unintentional failure of the teacher to respond to a parent’s email. In some cases, that parent’s email was flagged as spam, but more frequently, the parent had misspelled the teacher’s email address, so the email was never received. Because there was no response, the parent began to believe the teacher did not communicate well with parents, and any email after that that did not receive a response reinforced that belief, and the parent began to spread that view among other parents. At that point, if the teacher answered a hundred emails and missed one, the one miss would reinforce the perception that had been formed. Once the issue came to light, it usually was a difficult process to correct that perception.

This can be frustrating, especially if you know the perception is wrong, and it can be very challenging and difficult to change. So what do you do when this happens? There are four practical steps you can take:

  1. Look for the truth in the perception. There was most likely some event or circumstance that initially prompted this perception. It may have been no fault of your own, or you may have simply messed up. Regardless, look for the mistake that has been made that needs to be corrected, whether it was a one-time event or an ongoing problem.
  2. Re-set. Address the cause of perception and take any necessary steps to correct what needs to be corrected. Communicate what you are doing to those who have been affected so that they can have an adjusted view (but also remember, they will likely be hesitant to believe any different until you prove otherwise).
  3. Over-compensate. For a period of time, you will need to go overboard to counter the perception. People will be watching closely to see if their perception is valid or not, so you will be under scrutiny. This is going to be challenging and requires work, but it must be done until expectations have been properly re-aligned.
  4. Create a new expectation. With the expectations appropriately established, now you can communicate the new (and realistic) expectations. If you have proven that you can be trusted, and have set realistic expectations that can be met, then you will start a new cycle of validating the new and positive perceptions.

Remember that we can be just as guilty of this perception error as anyone else; therefore, it is important that we become self-aware of this problem of perception in ourselves. Check yourself to make sure that you are seeing things correctly and that you are not letting a single experience, misinformation, or incomplete information become the filter through which you are viewing everything. To change those perceptions requires intentional work because remember, it is our tendency to see only what we are looking for.

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Podcast Episode 28: Complementary Contradictions, pt. 1

This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article, part one in the series titled “Complementary Contradictions.” Here is the transcript of the podcast.

There are times when you get conflicting words of advice, one which is good and the other which is not, and it requires discernment to determine which is the right advice to follow. But often, you may hear conflicting counsel that seems to be contradictory to each other, but which is actually complementary and, when used appropriately and in the right way, can work together to help you make better decisions. It may be because they are two sides of the same coin, both of which are true depending on where or how you approach the situation. It may be because they are opposite but equally valid ideas that are intended to be applied in different circumstances. Or it may even be because they are parallel ideas that are intended to be used in unison. Regardless, they can be paired together, and both can be used in different ways, at different times, or side by side.

That’s what we are talking about in this series, in both the website articles and on the weekly podcast. We are looking at different leadership ideas or principles that seem to contradict, or at least differ from each other, and we are pairing them up to see how they actually complement each other, using them both to make you a better leader.

Today, in part 1, we are starting by introducing the overarching concept for the series.

Early in my leadership experience, it was emphasized to me that I needed to know my weaknesses so that I could work on them and develop them into strengths in order to become an effective leader. I wanted to lead well, so I set about trying to do just that.  However, I did not consider my personal nature and how that affected my leadership style.  You see, I am a very analytical introvert.  That means that I take time to think about things first. In fact, my first response is not going to be as good as my later response, so I would keep my first response to myself until after I had taken time to process my thoughts.  I did not want to assert myself aggressively into settings or conversations.  I did not enjoy conflict.  I liked to ensure an orderly process and procedure that made sense, and could be more focused on the procedure than on the people involved in the process.  The challenge this created for me was that I began trying to be someone I was not, rather than trying to learn to lead well according to my giftedness.  And therefore, I was becoming miserable.  Then I read a book that seemed to give the opposite advice.  The premise was that I needed to know my strengths and weaknesses so that I could focus on working within my strengths while letting other people whose strengths offset my weaknesses work within their strengths.  The end result would be that all the gaps would be filled, and I would be doing only what I did well.  I dove into this, in part because it let off the hook of improving things that I struggled with. The challenge that this new – and opposite – perspective created for me was that there were things I needed to take the lead on and address, even though they were hard for me, but I was leaving them for someone else which then was calling my leadership effectiveness into question.

So, after first trying to focus only on my weaknesses, which made me miserable, and then trying to focus only on my strengths, which made me ignore things I needed to address, I finally figured out that there was truth in both approaches and that they actually needed to be used together. I figured out that they were complementary contradictions. Yes, I need to emphasize my strengths to my advantage while also using the strengths of the team around me to offset my weaknesses, but I also need to grow as a leader by learning how to strengthen the areas in which I struggled, and still be myself.  For example, when I started as the head of school at a new school, I knew that my introversion made it hard for me to be gregarious at public events, like concerts and football games, and that I am not someone who can “work the crowd.” But at the same time, I knew that it was important to connect with people and that I am good at engaging with people one-on-one.  So, I would go to events and stand where people would pass by me and let opportunities for face-to-face conversations happen organically.  In doing that, I connected on a personal level with a lot of people, without having to do so in an extroverted manner that didn’t match my strengths.

The truth is, those two different approaches to leadership both had elements of truth.  On the one hand, when working with a team, it is important to have a variety of strengths within the team that work together well while filling in gaps.  But on the other hand, sometimes the team is not there (or the work you are doing is by yourself), and you don’t have that luxury, so you have to become competent at the things that are more difficult for you to do.  Or, on the one hand, It is important for you to focus on strengths so that they become even better, because a lack of exercise in those areas will lead to diminished strength.  But on the other hand, at the same time, you still need to identify the things that are challenging for you just because they are not in your wheelhouse or not things you enjoy, and work to strengthen those to a greater level of ability so that you can do them when necessary.  Failing to do that will likely cause important things to be neglected, which will have consequences.

This all serves as an example of the point we are making in this series that there are leadership principles and practices that may seem to be contradictory to each other, but which are  actually both true, depending on the need or the circumstance.  Before you choose one or the other, perhaps you should first think about the valuable lessons found in both and figure out how to apply them cooperatively. 

Coming back full circle, that’s what we will be doing in the next few weeks. One week, we’ll talk about “When a plan comes together,” and the next week, we’ll talk about “When a plan falls apart.” Or, one week, we’ll talk about “Do what works,” and the next week, we’ll talk about “If it doesn’t work, do something different.” You get the picture. We will be identifying and discussing complementary contradictions as pairs of principles that play well together so that you can become a better leader by incorporating both pieces of advice, not just one or the other.  

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Complementary Contradictions (pt. 1): Pairs of Principles that Play Well Together

Have you ever received conflicting words of advice? You know, two different people or two different sources telling you to do opposite things. Or even two different clichés that could apply, but they seem to contradict each other? For example, “Many hands make light work,” and “Too many cooks spoil the pot.” Do you need a lot of people to help, or do you need people to get out of the way? Even the book of Proverbs in the Old Testament seems to do this, when it says in Proverbs 26:4, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him,” but then the very next verse says, “Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.” These conflicting or contradictory pieces of advice seem to leave you in a pickle. You don’t know whose advice to follow or what you are supposed to do.

Sometimes, it’s true that you get conflicting words of advice, one which is good and the other which is not, and it requires discernment to determine which is the right advice to follow. But often, these seeming contradictions are actually complementary and, when used appropriately and in the right way, can work together to help you make better decisions. It may be because they are two sides of the same coin, both of which are true depending on where or how you approach the situation. It may be because they are opposite but equally valid ideas that are intended to be applied in different circumstances. Or it may even be because they are parallel ideas that are intended to be used in unison. Regardless, they can be paired together, and both can be used in different ways, at different times, or side by side.

That’s what we are going to be talking about in the next weeks, in the website articles and on the weekly podcast. We will be looking at different leadership ideas or principles that seem to contradict, or at least differ from each other, and we are going to pair them up to see how they actually complement each other to make you a better leader. For example, one week, we’ll talk about “When a plan comes together,” and the next week, we’ll talk about “When a plan falls apart.” Or, one week, we’ll talk about “Do what works,” and the next week, we’ll talk about “If it doesn’t work, do something different.” You get the picture. We’ll be looking at 5 or 6 of these pairs and learn some things that help you become a better decision-maker in your leadership.

The goal in front of us is to see how these seeming contradictions are, in reality, complementary and can play well together so that you can use them to become a better leader. There are many situations you will face, many dilemmas to resolve, many choices to make, and many circumstances to address. Let’s learn how we can handle these things even better by putting these complementary contradictions together.

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Fill in the Gaps

One of my favorite lines from the movie “Rocky” takes place when Paulie (Rocky’s best friend) is having a conversation with Rocky in a meat locker.  Paulie is asking Rocky what he sees in Adrian (Paulie’s sister), and gives a straightforward question when he asks, “What’s the attraction?” Here’s the line I love, which I think is incredibly profound:  Rocky replies by saying, “I don’t know, she fills gaps, I guess. . . She’s got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.”

I have often used this phrase when providing marriage counseling.  When I would meet with a couple, I would use as an illustration a ring that my mother-in-law had, which was made up of separate bands, each with alternating spaces and gemstones, that, when put together, made one beautiful circular band of gems. Then I would quote the line from Rocky, and explain how, in a marriage relationship, a husband and wife each bring different strengths and weaknesses, and that part of their individual role in building a successful marriage was to fill in each other’s gaps so that they would be better as a couple than either one could be as an individual.

This same idea should be true in teams but often is not.  Rath and Conchie (Strengths-Based Leadership) realized this in their study of teams and leadership, finding that “rarely are people recruited to an executive team because their strengths are the best complement to those of the existing team members.” (2008, p. 21) When they looked for teams that were successful and functioning well, they discovered that “while each member had his or her own unique strengths, the most cohesive and successful teams possessed broader groupings of strengths.” (p.22)  From this, they learned that “although individuals need not be well-rounded, teams should be” (p. 23), and therefore “it serves a team well to have a representation of strengths.” (p. 23)

The truth of the matter is, no one individual leader can be the best at everything that is needed.  When one person tries to “do it all,” the result is, as the old saying states, “a jack of all trades but a master of none.” But when a team is assembled that is comprised of differing strengths and abilities, the members of that team fill in the gaps for each other.  It makes sense, then, that good leaders “understand what they’re good at and what they’re not and have good judgment about how they can work with others to build on their strengths and offset their limitations.” (Ancona, Malone, Orlikowski, & Senge, 2011, p. 181)  These leaders gather teams that offset the leader’s limitations.  The result is that the combination of individual strengths makes a better whole.

As a leader, you need to know your limitations and your capabilities.  Where you have limitations, or gaps, it is a misuse of your abilities and your time to try to fill in those gaps on your own when you have people around you who can fill in those gaps for you.  This means it is part of your responsibility as a leader to be intentional about placing people on your team who will provide the best combination of necessary strengths and skills.  It is also your responsibility to be active in developing those strengths and skills in your team members.  In the process, when you identify a deficiency in the team that cannot be filled by a current team member, you need to find the right person who can fill in that gap and complete the team.  In the end, the best teams are not necessarily a simple combination of the best individuals, but rather the combination of people who fill in all the gaps.

Ancona, D., Malone, T. W., Orlikowski, W. J., & Senge, P. M. (2011). In Praise of the Incomplete Leader HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Leadership (pp. 179-196). Boston, MA: Harvard Business Review Press.

Rath, T., & Conchie, B. (2008). Strengths-Based Leadership: Great Leaders, Teams, and Why People Follow. New York, NY: Gallup Press.

 

 

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Your Family Is More Important than Your Job

I originally shared this post on LinkedIn as an article about 10 years ago, and it’s the article that has far and away had the most views, reactions, and responses.  I have made this statement to many people and to all of my employees in the time since then, but recent events in my life over the last year caused me to introspectively self-reflect on whether I was personally applying this, or if I had drifted from this truth.  The result was a necessary transition in my life, prompted by God working in me and in my circumstances.  It is still true, and in this holiday season, where we often have a stronger focus on family, it seems to be a good time to share this again.

This statement – “Your family is more important than your job” – is one of the most valuable lessons I have learned in my leadership development.  So important, in fact, that over the years it has been one of the more frequent statements that I have shared with others in conversations about job decisions, especially when they have come to me struggling over what the best decision is for their family.  The lesson initially came home to me shortly after I had stepped into my first senior leadership role.

I had been working in an organization where I had been very effective, and had played an important role in helping to bring about valuable and significant change even though not in a senior leadership role.  It seemed that I had been able to have positive influence on the organization and on many people within and connected to the organization.  Looking back, I can see that my ego was being fed, and I was becoming prideful in my perspective.  In the development of my personal work ethic, I had been taught to work in such a way that I would become more important to the organization than the organization was to me, but in my pride, this grew into the sentiment that I was invaluable to the company.  I began to believe that if I were to ever leave, the organization would suffer and would take a noticeable step backward.

And then it happened.  I was given an opportunity to become the leader of another organization, one that was experiencing struggle and decline.  Although I had anxiety about whether or not I was prepared or capable, and about the unknown of this new experience, I was also excited, and anticipating the change to again be an agent of change.  My family was very supportive and excited along with me, encouraged me in this opportunity, and embraced the prospect of this new experience.  So, we loaded a moving truck, packed up our family, and moved a thousand miles away to a new home and a new life.

As I left the previous company, I secretly believed that my loss would hurt, and even had the arrogance to think that it would require two people to replace all that I was doing.  I imagined in my mind that I would soon be hearing about how much they missed me, and how much they realized I had meant to them.  But then, the unthinkable happened – they moved on without me!  They hired someone else with his own set of skills and passion, they adjusted, and they continued to move forward.  Meanwhile, I was struggling to win the support and trust of a skeptical group of people who had no idea what I had accomplished or what I could do. (Side note here: factoring in God’s sovereignty and purposeful plan affects how you view these circumstances, and how He can be trusted to do what’s best for everyone involved – not just you – including those at the place you are leaving.  At that time, I still had a lot to learn in my understanding of this.)

It was then that I began to realize I was not irreplaceable.  I figured out that, other than in my own mind, none of my accomplishments came with me.  Don’t get me wrong here – the experience came with me, which was very valuable in helping me to do the job well.  But this new group of people didn’t know and didn’t care what I had done someplace else.  And all of a sudden, the only thing I had left to support and encourage me was my family.  I realized that I had actually been pouring my energies into accomplishment at work at the expense of my family.   I also realized that at any time I could lose or leave that job, but if that happened and I lost everything that came with my work (including recognition and accomplishment), I would still have my family.  Like switching on a light, I suddenly understood that my family was more important than my job.  Life moves on, jobs and careers change, and although I may have some influence and leave behind an impact, just about he only thing that goes with me moving forward is my family.  So if my job is costing me my family, the job needs to go before my family does.

I believe wholeheartedly that this is one of the most important lessons you could learn.  It is a “meaning and contentment of life” type of statement. No one is irreplaceable.  When you leave an organization or a job, remember that they will move on without you, but your family will be the one thing that goes with you.  Never forget that your family is more important than your job.

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Give People a Chance to Try

I vividly remember one particular day in my 8th grade math class. I don’t remember what concept the teacher was teaching, and I don’t remember many of the details, but I remember the specific experience. The teacher was reviewing concepts from the previous night’s assignment and called me up to the chalkboard to work out one of the problems. The next few moments were terrifying for me. I was so scared to stand in front of my classmates and demonstrate a math concept that my hands began to visibly shake as I walked to the front of the room, and then . . . I don’t remember anything else until I sat back down. What happened between standing up and sitting down was and is a complete blank. I knew at that moment that I could never do something that would require me to be in front of people.

So, there is great irony (and providence) in the fact that my career has required extensive interaction with and in front of people. I would never have imagined that I would have had the opportunity and experience of leading organizations, speaking in front of people, and developing other leaders. When I think about this, I can see that there are several important factors that played a role in my development, but one of those was simply the opportunity to try. My church asked me to teach a class, an administrator gave me some responsibilities, a student group asked me to speak at an event, and a variety of other opportunities were provided that helped me to grow as a leader and helped me to develop skills.

You see, leadership development doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It involves both knowledge and practice, both learning and doing. You learn a lot by studying, by having someone teach you, but you also learn a lot by doing. Therefore, a critical component of leadership development takes place when people are given the opportunity to try by getting the chance to do. That’s why John Kotter, when he speaks about creating a culture of leadership, says that “people who provide effective leadership in important jobs always have a chance, before they get into those jobs, to grow beyond the narrow base that characterized most managerial careers. . . . The breadth of knowledge developed in this way seems to be helpful in all aspects of leadership” (What Leaders Really Do, in HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Leadership (2011)). This is why you need to take opportunities that are presented to you, even if it is a little outside of your comfort zone. You need to be willing to overcome your fears and stretch yourself, knowing that you won’t do everything well and you’ll make mistakes, but you will learn and improve.

While this is true for you, it’s also true for those you are leading. George, Sims, McLean, and Mayer, in an article discussing Authentic Leadership, explain that “authentic leaders . . . know the key to a successful organization is having empowered leader at all levels, including those who have no direct reports. They not only inspire those around them, they empower those individuals to step up and lead” (Discovering Your Authentic Leadership, in HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Leadership (2011)). You will be a much better leader if you intentionally look for opportunities for those you lead, opportunities for them to step up and take some leadership, to stretch themselves, and to grow their abilities. Perhaps it involves leading a project or a task; maybe it’s leading a discussion, study, or meeting; it could be taking the lead on learning a new concept to share with others. It can be a variety of ways, but regardless of what path you use, be purposeful about providing growth experiences.

The simple truth is that growth and development take place when you have the opportunity to try. Therefore it makes sense that you must be intentional about taking those opportunities, and it also makes sense that – if you want to be a leader who develops others and you want an organization with a culture of leadership development – you become intentional about giving others those opportunities. Take advantage of experiences that will help you grow, and give your people a chance to try.

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