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Fill in the Gaps

One of my favorite lines from the movie “Rocky” takes place when Paulie (Rocky’s best friend) is having a conversation with Rocky in a meat locker.  Paulie is asking Rocky what he sees in Adrian (Paulie’s sister), and gives a straightforward question when he asks, “What’s the attraction?” Here’s the line I love, which I think is incredibly profound:  Rocky replies by saying, “I don’t know, she fills gaps, I guess. . . She’s got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.”

I have often used this phrase when providing marriage counseling.  When I would meet with a couple, I would use as an illustration a ring that my mother-in-law had, which was made up of separate bands, each with alternating spaces and gemstones, that, when put together, made one beautiful circular band of gems. Then I would quote the line from Rocky, and explain how, in a marriage relationship, a husband and wife each bring different strengths and weaknesses, and that part of their individual role in building a successful marriage was to fill in each other’s gaps so that they would be better as a couple than either one could be as an individual.

This same idea should be true in teams but often is not.  Rath and Conchie (Strengths-Based Leadership) realized this in their study of teams and leadership, finding that “rarely are people recruited to an executive team because their strengths are the best complement to those of the existing team members.” (2008, p. 21) When they looked for teams that were successful and functioning well, they discovered that “while each member had his or her own unique strengths, the most cohesive and successful teams possessed broader groupings of strengths.” (p.22)  From this, they learned that “although individuals need not be well-rounded, teams should be” (p. 23), and therefore “it serves a team well to have a representation of strengths.” (p. 23)

The truth of the matter is, no one individual leader can be the best at everything that is needed.  When one person tries to “do it all,” the result is, as the old saying states, “a jack of all trades but a master of none.” But when a team is assembled that is comprised of differing strengths and abilities, the members of that team fill in the gaps for each other.  It makes sense, then, that good leaders “understand what they’re good at and what they’re not and have good judgment about how they can work with others to build on their strengths and offset their limitations.” (Ancona, Malone, Orlikowski, & Senge, 2011, p. 181)  These leaders gather teams that offset the leader’s limitations.  The result is that the combination of individual strengths makes a better whole.

As a leader, you need to know your limitations and your capabilities.  Where you have limitations, or gaps, it is a misuse of your abilities and your time to try to fill in those gaps on your own when you have people around you who can fill in those gaps for you.  This means it is part of your responsibility as a leader to be intentional about placing people on your team who will provide the best combination of necessary strengths and skills.  It is also your responsibility to be active in developing those strengths and skills in your team members.  In the process, when you identify a deficiency in the team that cannot be filled by a current team member, you need to find the right person who can fill in that gap and complete the team.  In the end, the best teams are not necessarily a simple combination of the best individuals, but rather the combination of people who fill in all the gaps.

Ancona, D., Malone, T. W., Orlikowski, W. J., & Senge, P. M. (2011). In Praise of the Incomplete Leader HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Leadership (pp. 179-196). Boston, MA: Harvard Business Review Press.

Rath, T., & Conchie, B. (2008). Strengths-Based Leadership: Great Leaders, Teams, and Why People Follow. New York, NY: Gallup Press.

 

 

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Quote Your Dad

“You can be better or bitter, but better is better than bitter.”

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Podcast Episode 14 – The Theory Behind the Theory

This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article of the same name, “The Theory Behind the Theory.” Here is the transcript of the podcast:

Have you ever struggled with trying to figure out whether or not a leadership principle was good? I have, and on today’s episode, that’s the question we are going to explore.  In fact, early in my leadership experience, I noticed that some leadership principles and practices seemed to ring true to me, or seemed to particularly resonate with me, but at that time, I wasn’t thinking about why that was so.  That eventually led to my own wrestling with how to know what principles and practices were good ones, which in turn led me to the idea of the theory behind the theory.

I shared the story in the article that I posted earlier this week about the experience that led me to the realization that there is “biblical theory” behind any good theory proven to be true. It started when I read a book by Margaret Wheatley called “Leadership and the New Science.” (if you want to hear the story, you’ll have to listen to the podcast!). 

When you start from the presupposition that the Bible is true, that God is real, and that He is the Creator of the universe, it shapes your foundational beliefs.  One of those beliefs is the understanding that, as the Creator of the universe, of the world we live in, and of you and me, it makes sense that He knows best how everything should work, and how everything should work best.  He created with intentional design, and there is order that governs the internal operations of all things (these become the laws of science).  Therefore, when something works well, it is because of the God-created design behind it.

What that means for me is that I now understand that when there is a leadership principle that is effective, that means that behind it is a truth based on God’s intentional design.  It works because it stems from how God created things to work.  So if something works well, I can learn and see God’s design behind it – this is the theory behind the theory.

Here’s what you need to take away:  as a leader, understanding leadership theory is important.  When I was researching for my dissertation, my advisor kept stressing that I needed to identify and communicate the theory behind what I was saying.  Understanding the theory – or, the why – is important to becoming effective and growing, because theory translates into practice.  However – and this is what I kept saying to my advisor – I can see deeper theory – God’s truth and design – behind any effective theory.  As a Christian leader, you will be better if you study God and His Word to such an extent that you recognize biblical truth behind any good leadership theory and practice.

The bottom line is that good leadership has biblical truth behind it, even if that is not recognized by the leader.  My challenge to you is to become so knowledgeable of and intimate with God that you recognize it; that you see the theory behind the theory.

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The Theory Behind the Theory

It was when I was in graduate school doing research that I think I finally fully realized what it means to say, “All truth is God’s truth.” It clicked when I was reading a particular book that was drawing lessons on leadership from the principles of Chaos Theory. As I worked through the book, I began to see – underlying its principles – a clear representation of God’s sovereignty. Then I began to recognize, in many of the books I was reading, that the truths that most resonated with me were truths that I could see were expressions of biblical truths.  Aas my advisor and my instructors kept pushing me to identify “the theory behind the practice” for much of my research, I realized that the reason why there was truth in these theories, evident in how they worked in practice, was because of what I would call the “theory behind the theory”: original truth, found in God’s Word.

As an example, this became apparent to me again when I was reading a book called The Happiness Advantage, by #ShawnAchor.   This particular book is in the realm of positive psychology, and is based on research; in it, Achor describes seven principles related to the way that your attitude, choices, and behavior can benefit your personal growth.   More pointedly, the first principle in the book (‘the happiness advantage’ principle), discusses how a positive outlook improves fulfillment and success. Within this principle, he explains:

  • How happiness gives your brain – and your organization – the competitive edge
  • That when we are happy, we are smarter, more motivated, and thus more successful; happiness precedes success, not vice versa
  • That happiness (a positive mood in the present and a positive outlook for the future):
    • Primes and enhances creativity and innovation
    • Is an antidote to physical stress and anxiety
    • With intentional effort, can raise your daily baseline level of happiness
  • That our brains are hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative, or even neutral, but when they are positive.
  • That happiness and optimism fuel performance and achievement

The reality is . . . this is true. A positive attitude helps you do better, an optimistic outlook helps you respond to defeat and difficulty better, and a joyful approach helps to prevent discouragement. You probably don’t need to see research to believe that this is true, because you’ve seen it lived out in practice in your life and experience.  And that’s what takes me back to my point. You believe that this is true because you have seen it in practice, but a book like The Happiness Advantage provides “the theory behind the practice,” the research that explains why it is true in practice. But there is theory behind that theory, found in the Bible long before any studies in positive psychology were ever conducted.

Specifically, Proverbs 15:13-15 says this:

13 A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. 14 The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness. 15 All the days of the afflicted are evil, but he who is of a merry heart has a continual feast. Proverbs 15:13-15

In particular, verses 13 and 15 in this passage point out two very important truths. Verse 13 points out that your internal emotions and attitude directly impact your external response and reaction: positive on the inside leads to positive expression on the outside, and negative on the inside leads to brokenness on the outside. Then verse 15 points out that your outlook on and experience of life are a direct reflection of how you perceive your life circumstances: a “woe is me” or “I am a victim” mindset sees every day as bad, but a positive outlook finds value in all circumstances.   So it is true that choosing to have a positive mood has great benefit for your life, but the reason why it is true is because it is God’s truth, found in the very design of human nature in how God created us to be.

Now, the practical application is that you can improve your performance (and as a byproduct, your results) by intentionally cultivating a positive outlook and response to life and its circumstances. But I also want you to understand that the real theory behind it, the theory that backs it up, is truth that originates from God’s Word – a merry heart (positive attitude) makes a cheerful countenance (external expressions of happiness) and has a continual feast (positive view of and response to life).

Then, I would encourage you to take two more steps in this line of thought. First, begin to look for other places where you can see that there is biblical truth behind other leadership principles that also appear to be true when put into practice. Second, reverse the process by looking for biblical principles that can be translated into leadership principles, with the confidence that if it is a biblical principle, it will be true, and, therefore, will have legitimate and credible application to leadership. My hope is that, at the bottom of your own study and research, you too will see that all truth is God’s truth, and will learn to identify principles that work, because they are principles that reflect His truth.

This thought process is the foundation of my book, Leadership Ezra; the idea that there is biblical theory on leadership that can be found behind effective theories of leadership.   Leadership Ezra is a book that draws out specific leadership principles that are reflected in the Old Testament book of Ezra in order to apply them to effective leadership practice today.  It connects illustrations and principles from the Bible to the practical application of leadership from the experience of one specific time period of activity in the Old Testament.  In this book, I seek to find the “theory behind the theory,” and then to connect truth from the story of a set of events in Scripture to the practice of good leadership; specifically, to the leadership principles and practices that are often considered as “best practice,” that are seen in the story of Ezra, reflecting a biblical basis that underpins good leadership.   My goal was to start with an understanding of Ezra, the leader, then explore what we need to do to prepare for leadership and explore practical leadership principles and ideas.  At the core of it all, I hope to be able to communicate what it looks like to lead well from a foundation of biblical truth.  To see for yourself, order your copy on Amazon.

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Quote Your Dad

“Your family is more important than your job.”

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Podcast Episode 13 – Your Family Is More Important Than Your Job

This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article of the same name, “Your Family Is More Important Than Your Job.” Here is the transcript of the podcast:

Have you ever struggled with balancing your work aspirations and family obligations? I have, and on today’s episode, that’s the question we are going to explore.  I think most of us want to grow and excel in our work, which requires a level of commitment.  At the same time, we want to invest in our families. It’s been said that no one says on their deathbed, “I wish I would have spent more time at work,” but the struggle is often in figuring out how to find the balance between investing in your career and investing in the people who matter to you.

I told part of this story in the article that I posted earlier this week, but it was really the beginning of when I came to terms with this, early in my experience as a head of school. (if you want to hear the story, you’ll have to listen to the podcast!). 

First of all, work is necessary and can have great value. One of the things God created us to do was work, which was evident in the Garden of Eden when God told Adam and Eve that one of the three things He wanted them to do was to take care of His creation.  At the same time, one of the other of the three things God wanted them to do was to build a family.  (The third was to fill the earth.) The problem comes when we pit those two things against each other, or sacrifice one for the sake of the other.  The other problem comes when we confuse a job with our calling to work.  The end result tends to be that we seek to find greater value in our work than in our family, and our family pays the price. 

If you have a family, part of your calling is that family.  Yes, God has called you to Kingdom work in your career, but He would not sacrifice your family on that altar, no more than He would let Abraham sacrifice Isaac.  In that circumstance, God was asking Abraham for willing obedience to serve Him and did not intend for Abraham’s family to be sacrificed in the process.  He wanted to show Abraham -and, by extension, us – that God is more important than your family.  But your family is also very important to God and functions as a picture of God’s character and nature to the world (again, at Creation, Scripture tells us that man and woman together reflect God’s full image). And so God wants you to protect and care for your family. 

God ordained that we should work at the beginning of creation, but He wants your work to be a calling, not a job, and therefore the content and context of what you do can change to fit the time and circumstances for which He wants to use you.  However, He also established the importance of family from the beginning. He is not a “lesser of two evils” divine being who gives these two things and then forces us to choose which is less damaging; rather, He always has a right and good way of doing all that He has established.  He therefore will not call you to do something that costs your family.  If that is happening, it’s because of expectations that you are placing on yourself, not that God is placing on you. When that happens, it’s time to recalibrate your expectations to align with God’s and to commit your work to His purpose, not your own.

Here’s what you need to take away:  if your job is costing you your family, you have a problem.  I would also say that if your job is a ministry, and it’s costing your family, you are out of alignment with the work God has called you to do.  Yes, God should be the most important thing in your life, but second to that is the ministry that He has called you to carry out through your family.

When I came to this realization in my own path in that first head-of-school role, I made some changes so that my work was not superseding my family.  I started leaving to come home no later than 5:00.  I set limits on what I would say yes to.  And I intentionally protected my family time.  Sure, there were emergencies and exceptions, but that’s what they were – emergencies and exceptions.  During the next 25 years, God moved me to three more schools, and now to a new phase of ministry. By God’s grace, I have preserved and protected my family, and I believe my ministry to my family has had more of an impact on the lives of others than anything else I have done.  So I still say to people: your family is more important than your job.

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Your Family Is More Important than Your Job

I originally shared this post on LinkedIn as an article about 10 years ago, and it’s the article that has far and away had the most views, reactions, and responses.  I have made this statement to many people and to all of my employees in the time since then, but recent events in my life over the last year caused me to introspectively self-reflect on whether I was personally applying this, or if I had drifted from this truth.  The result was a necessary transition in my life, prompted by God working in me and in my circumstances.  It is still true, and in this holiday season, where we often have a stronger focus on family, it seems to be a good time to share this again.

This statement – “Your family is more important than your job” – is one of the most valuable lessons I have learned in my leadership development.  So important, in fact, that over the years it has been one of the more frequent statements that I have shared with others in conversations about job decisions, especially when they have come to me struggling over what the best decision is for their family.  The lesson initially came home to me shortly after I had stepped into my first senior leadership role.

I had been working in an organization where I had been very effective, and had played an important role in helping to bring about valuable and significant change even though not in a senior leadership role.  It seemed that I had been able to have positive influence on the organization and on many people within and connected to the organization.  Looking back, I can see that my ego was being fed, and I was becoming prideful in my perspective.  In the development of my personal work ethic, I had been taught to work in such a way that I would become more important to the organization than the organization was to me, but in my pride, this grew into the sentiment that I was invaluable to the company.  I began to believe that if I were to ever leave, the organization would suffer and would take a noticeable step backward.

And then it happened.  I was given an opportunity to become the leader of another organization, one that was experiencing struggle and decline.  Although I had anxiety about whether or not I was prepared or capable, and about the unknown of this new experience, I was also excited, and anticipating the change to again be an agent of change.  My family was very supportive and excited along with me, encouraged me in this opportunity, and embraced the prospect of this new experience.  So, we loaded a moving truck, packed up our family, and moved a thousand miles away to a new home and a new life.

As I left the previous company, I secretly believed that my loss would hurt, and even had the arrogance to think that it would require two people to replace all that I was doing.  I imagined in my mind that I would soon be hearing about how much they missed me, and how much they realized I had meant to them.  But then, the unthinkable happened – they moved on without me!  They hired someone else with his own set of skills and passion, they adjusted, and they continued to move forward.  Meanwhile, I was struggling to win the support and trust of a skeptical group of people who had no idea what I had accomplished or what I could do. (Side note here: factoring in God’s sovereignty and purposeful plan affects how you view these circumstances, and how He can be trusted to do what’s best for everyone involved – not just you – including those at the place you are leaving.  At that time, I still had a lot to learn in my understanding of this.)

It was then that I began to realize I was not irreplaceable.  I figured out that, other than in my own mind, none of my accomplishments came with me.  Don’t get me wrong here – the experience came with me, which was very valuable in helping me to do the job well.  But this new group of people didn’t know and didn’t care what I had done someplace else.  And all of a sudden, the only thing I had left to support and encourage me was my family.  I realized that I had actually been pouring my energies into accomplishment at work at the expense of my family.   I also realized that at any time I could lose or leave that job, but if that happened and I lost everything that came with my work (including recognition and accomplishment), I would still have my family.  Like switching on a light, I suddenly understood that my family was more important than my job.  Life moves on, jobs and careers change, and although I may have some influence and leave behind an impact, just about he only thing that goes with me moving forward is my family.  So if my job is costing me my family, the job needs to go before my family does.

I believe wholeheartedly that this is one of the most important lessons you could learn.  It is a “meaning and contentment of life” type of statement. No one is irreplaceable.  When you leave an organization or a job, remember that they will move on without you, but your family will be the one thing that goes with you.  Never forget that your family is more important than your job.

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Quote Your Dad

“You will never regret living for God.”

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Podcast Episode 12 – Regretfulness or Thankfulness?

This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article on a related topic, “Thankful Trust.” Here is the transcript of the podcast:

Have you ever struggled with uncertainty and regret? I have, and on today’s episode, that’s the question we are going to explore.  What we are really going to be talking about is a mindset.  Specifically, your mindset when you face an unknown future and wish you knew tomorrow’s answers today, or when you reflect on your past experiences and wish that things could have been different.  In these circumstances, the real question is whether or not you can and should respond with gratitude instead of uncertainty or regret.

Let me tell you the story of the last year of my life (if you want to hear the story, you’ll have to listen to the podcast!). 

My future is unknown to me.  But not to God.  However, because my future is unknown to me, my present fear causes me to sometimes second-guess my past. When I do that, I am just like the Israelites after they were freed from bondage in Egypt, the first time they ran into difficulties and a food shortage.  Almost immediately, they started regretting their choice to leave Egypt and started crying for what they used to have.  In the same way, when I am being led by fear, I can start to question or even regret my choices.  But if I am being obedient to God and following His clear direction, I need to trust Him with an attitude of gratefulness for his purpose and provision – even when I can’t see it yet.

That’s where today’s question takes us.  What is our mindset, and on what is our mindset based?  When we are being faithful and obedient to God, He will not fail.  His plan cannot be prevented.  And He sees the future and knows where He wants me to be tomorrow and why.  Furthermore, there are times (and for me, this is one of those times) He doesn’t want me to see beyond tomorrow.  Again, this was modeled by the Israelites when God’s response to their fear was to promise them their daily food in the form of manna, but only for what they needed that day, and no more. For me personally, at this specific juncture in my life, but for a purpose that He knows, God is choosing to give me my manna on a daily basis, and I have to trust Him that it will be there the day after that, and the day after that.  But I also have to do it with an attitude of thankfulness that should arise from my confidence and trust in His goodness and purpose for me.

So, here’s what you need to take away: If you are being faithful and obedient to God, then you need to:

  • Place your uncertainty about the future in God’s hands, because He has a certain purpose.

  • View your past difficulties and current struggle with thankfulness, knowing that it is factored into the purpose God has for your future.

I am reminded, finally, of something my dad once said related to the topic of regret.  He was pondering the challenges that we experience in our lives, that cause us to sometimes question things, and he said, “You will never regret living for God”

I believe that is true with all my heart, therefore I am choosing in the present to walk in thankful trust of God, in view of both future uncertainties and past circumstances. And so, I am thankful that He has me in the position I am today, living completely in dependence on Him and trusting the purpose, plan, and timing of what He has next for me.  My friend, what about you?  As you face your past, your present, and your future, are you choosing to live in thankful trust?

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Quote Your Dad

“If you think you’re leading and no one is following, you’re just out for a walk.”

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