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Podcast Episode 11 – How Do You Learn to Lead?

This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article on a related topic, “My Simple Diagram of Leadership.” Here is the transcript of the podcast:

Have you ever struggled with understanding how you are supposed to lead? I have, and on today’s episode, that’s the question we are going to explore.  Every leader must lead for the first time sometime, and regardless of bravado, charisma, or confidence, you don’t know everything that you are going to know in 10 years.  Leadership is a learning process, and therefore, in that process, you are learning how to lead better than you did yesterday.  However, there are lots of theories and models in the leadership world of how you are supposed to lead, so how are you supposed to know what works? I think that ultimately, the real question is not so much, “How are you supposed to lead?”, but rather how are you supposed to lead?” 

For most of my life, I have been a larger person.  I also told myself and others that I was simply big-boned, that I carried my weight well, that I was “solid” (in a self-complimentary way).  In reality, I am in love with food.  I love to taste almost anything, I am a habitual grazer, and I would rather eat too much than throw food away.  As a result, regardless of how I phrased it, I was very overweight and unhealthy.  Then, in my mid-40s, I was confronted with three things: the needs of my wife, who was facing a health crisis caused by cancer; my own developing health issues caused by my eating habits; and a conversation with my son who confronted my gluttony.  I knew I needed to change, but I also knew that there were a myriad of programs and plans out there to help, but how was I to know what would actually work?  In the end, I figured out that I could do several simple, time-proven things, while at the same time being true to myself.  I counted my calories, ate smaller portions, ate breakfast in the morning to kick-start my metabolism, weighed myself every day, and did very moderate exercise.  But I also had coffee with milk and sugar every morning, and a small piece of chocolate every evening, and I ate food that I liked.  The end result?  I lost almost 60 pounds in 4 months.  And I have (mostly) kept it off since. 

What’s the point of this story?  It’s this:  there are dozens, if not hundreds, of plans, programs, and magic pills that all claim to help you lose weight, but in the end, it boils down to a few simple things regardless of the program:  eat healthy and in moderation, find a way to hold yourself accountable, and make it enjoyable. 

The same thing is true for leadership.  There are as many leadership theories as there are diet plans, so you do you know what to do?  The key is to do two things: 

1) Learn the fundamental leadership principles and practices that everybody needs to know, and

2) Make it personal by implementing those things in a way that fits who you are.

For example, as an introverted head of school, I knew I needed to interact with parents at events, but it is not part of my nature to “work the crowd.”  So what would I do?  I would position myself someplace where most parents would pass by me – at the door to greet people at a school event, or at the entrance of the bleachers at a ballgame – and let those interactions happen organically. 

So, here’s what you need to take away: you need to intentionally learn the fundamental principles of leadership, and you need to continue to learn and grow in your leadership for the rest of your life.  But at the same time, you need to be you.  That latest book you read likely has some great principles that you can implement, but you are not the author, and those principles won’t necessarily fit you the way they fit that person.   Therefore, you need to make it your own.

The question we come back to is, “How are you supposed to lead?” Do the few things that everyone should learn to do as a leader, but do it in a way that reflects your strengths, your personality, and your nature.  Over time, you will learn new principles, develop your own gifts, and become the leader you should be.

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My Simple Diagram of Leadership

A number of years ago, in my doctoral studies, I took a course called Issues in Leadership Theory. Throughout the course, we, the students, were assigned essays on various theories, ideas, and characteristics of leadership, with which we were expected to interact and then write reflective responses. The goal was to build a broader understanding of leadership and of the effective practice of leadership.

I was taking this course while serving as the administrator of a K-12 school, one that had experienced some great difficulties and needed to be revitalized. I was on the ground floor, in the middle of leadership activity, trying to build and/or rebuild momentum, enrollment, programs, morale, and even (literally) a school building. There were many issues, needs, and deficiencies that I was wrestling with (like, how to start a hot lunch program, how to expand brand recognition in the community with no advertising budget or director of development, and how to attract new excellent teachers, with a persuasive vision, while retaining the existing excellent teachers who were resistant to change). Although I did not fully realize at the time the extent to which it was happening, I was actually in the process of developing my leadership style and principles of practice. And so, over the duration of that leadership course, as I read, interacted, and responded to the assignments, while at the same time implementing and learning the practical application of those lessons in my job, the ideas that resonated with me began to come together in my mind to form my own personal theory of leadership.

As I put those ideas together in a way that seemed to make sense to me, I began to see leadership as a process that occurs within a context, which I visually illustrate below in a diagram called Jeff’s Simple Diagram of Leadership (I like diagrams and illustrations). The basic concept is this: In any situation, there are leaders and followers. Sometimes who they are can change, but both of the individuals/groups are necessary. The leader must have knowledge of the context/environment in which the leader and followers exist (present). He must also have knowledge of the organizational history (past) and organizational vision (future). With this knowledge, the leader engages in the process that is a continuing cycle of analyzing past, present, and future in order to move people and the organization toward a desired growth, change, or direction.

Now that time has passed since I first formulated these ideas, I believe that this simple diagram is a very accurate picture, and in many ways was even prophetic, of how I have learned to lead. I have come to understand and value the extreme importance of story and culture, both in organizational history and in understanding the people with whom I, as a leader, work, and therefore have learned the value of listening and asking questions (past). I have experienced the importance of the role of relationship in the context and environment in which the leaders and followers interact, and in the process have developed my own relational skills (present). I have learned that I have the ability to see “the big picture” of what the organization ought to be and to communicate this in an understandable way (future). Along the way, I have discovered one of my greatest leadership strengths is the ability to make connections between these three – past, present, and future – in a way that makes sense to people. And now, as I look back, I can see that in each organization in which I have worked, my leadership has followed this pattern and process and has resulted in significant and positive change.

In that particular school in which I was first putting these ideas together, I must admit that I made many mistakes (truth be told, I have made mistakes in every role in which I have worked, but that’s part of the growth process). For example, this is where I learned the importance of taking time to listen to people and understand the culture before initiating change (by making the mistake of making changes too quickly without first understanding the environment). However, I grew in both my knowledge and practice of leadership, resulting in a number of significant positive changes, including, among other things: doubling of enrollment; restoration of financial stability; initiation of a large-scale building program; establishment of a school board, a hot lunch program, an after school program, and a parent-teacher organization; development and expansion of honors and advanced academic programs; and establishment of a student internship program. In a sense, it was a practicing lab in which my particular leadership ability and skills were nurtured and grew.

Since that time in my life, I have further developed effective leadership skills and practices that have enabled me to be an agent of change in several other schools and organizations. I have personally identified many of the basic principles that underscore my approach, which include principles such as: learn history and culture; people matter to God, so it is important to build relationships and care about people; see the big picture; recognize God’s sovereignty; know that to influence change, you have to change the way people think; communicate; empower; serve; be willing to do things differently. Over time, I have also seen my simple diagram of leadership emerge and remain as the crux of my personal theory of leadership, with the three key words of story, relationship, and change reflecting my leadership.

I have found what works well for me, and it involves some fundamental ideas that should be true for every leader, but it also is expressed in a way that matches who I am. I would encourage you to do the same – identify the core leadership principles that matter and learn how to package and use them in a way that best incorporates your strengths so that you can become the best leader you can be, by being yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Quote Your Dad

“It’s better to be proactive than reactive.” (Jack McMaster, usually when giving me advice related to parenting my own children)

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Podcast Episode 10 – First Get the Whole Story

This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article on the same topic: First Get the Whole Story. Here is the transcript of the podcast:

Have you ever been guilty of jumping to a conclusion before having all the information, and then regretting your response?  I have, and on today’s episode, that’s the question we are going to explore.  There’s a verse in Proverbs, chapter 18 and verse 13, that speaks to this topic when it says, “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.”  Therefore, I want to take a few minutes to talk about the importance of hearing before answering, to avoid the folly and shame that comes when we do the opposite.

  I have probably been most guilty of doing this to my own children. Usually, it looks something like this:  I hear a noise, or I see a mess, and I immediately jump to conclusions about what my child must have done or said, and I react.  Too many times, that response has been followed by learning that I answered before hearing the whole story, and my response was wrong.  A great example of this is one carried out by my father to me when I was a young teenager, and one that I would tease him about for years afterward.  In this situation, my elementary school-aged sister was playing with her dolls and her dollhouse and asked me to play with her, with her dolls.  I was doing something else at the moment, so I told her I couldn’t.  Unbeknownst to me, she then went to my dad and told him a story of how I had said very mean and hurtful things to her.  He came into the room and proceeded to give me a painful consequence, catching me by surprise.  It was only afterward that he heard my side of the story and had to apologize for reacting wrongly to me.

Now, my dad was a wonderful father, so don’t judge him for this unless you can say unequivocally that you have never jumped to a conclusion, made wrong assumptions, and reacted differently than you should have before hearing the whole story.  But this is often our natural tendency, and it takes intentional work to exercise the discipline of seeking the whole truth and the full story.  And that’s what we should be doing in every context and situation: setting aside our preconceived bias and beliefs, seeking to hear and learn the full story, and then determining the best response.

As a leader, this needs to characterize our responses. I know that there are situations that require a quick and decisive response, but hopefully, your leadership experience has equipped you to be prepared to respond to those kinds of situations out of your breadth of leadership when you don’t have time to gather more information in the moment.  I also know that if we can be too slow sometimes, taking the time to gather so much detail that it paralyzes momentum.  But in most cases, you need to take some time to get the whole picture before formulating the right response.  I can tell you, in my role as a school administrator, when I had to discipline student behavior, I never regretted carefully getting the whole story first.

So here’s what you need to take away:  It is important to gather all the facts and information, as much as is reasonably possible, before determining your response.  This applies to addressing conflicts between people, determining strategic next steps in a plan, or responding to a challenge you are facing.  

So, I will circle back to the verse I started with:  “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.”  If we don’t learn to look before we leap, or listen before we respond, we will likely make decisions that lead to messes that we have to clean up, and apologies that we need to make.  Therefore, when you are confronted with a situation that you need to address . . . first, get the whole story.

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First Get the Whole Story

Early in my experience as an educator, I heard my administrator say to parents (tongue-in-cheek), “If you don’t believe half of what your student says happened in the classroom, we won’t believe half of what they tell us happened at home.” Like many humorous comments, this contains a morsel of truth. People have a tendency to represent facts in such a way as to paint themselves in the best possible light, and children are no different. Often over the years, I have fielded phone calls from parents who were contacting me because of what their child said happened in class (things like, “my child told me that the teacher said this in class!”). I quickly learned to redirect their concern to the teacher, so that the parent could hear the whole story. Nearly every time, the parent has come back to me and said, “Now that I have the whole story, it makes a lot more sense.” (And most of the time, the story the child told at home was an effort to cover up or misdirect from wrong choices of behavior made by the student in the classroom.)

There are two particular passages in Scripture that have greatly helped me to understand this idea. One is Proverbs 18:13, which says, “He who answers a matter before he hears the facts—it is folly and shame to him” (Amplified Bible). The Message says it even more plainly: “Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.” This verse was first shared with me by a professor when I was completing a marriage and family counseling internship, as an exhortation to probe and question thoroughly before drawing conclusions in the counseling setting. For quite a while, I literally kept the verse written on a notecard, taped on top of my desk, as a reminder. I have since learned that this verse applies to many circumstances, not just to a counseling session. When you deal with people (and most of us do), you will have the experience of people telling you the story from their own perspective, which will likely mean that it may or may not be true (as I shared in a previous post, “Either It’s True or It’s Not”). It is foolish and stupid to react or respond without first getting the whole story

The second verse is James 1:19, which says, “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” As many grandmothers have shared with their grandchildren, “There’s a reason why God gave us two ears and one mouth; we should listen twice as much as we speak!” This verse has been a constant reminder to me to be careful to listen first, although, in the process of my growth as a leader, it was a lesson that sometimes came the hard way.

For example, in one particular organization in which I worked, I made a spectacular blunder that loudly and clearly drove this lesson home to me. I was leading a small group of event planners in planning for one specific event, and everyone in the group (except me) had been involved in that organization for several years. As the leader, I felt that I should take charge of presenting good ideas, so I began the first meeting by telling the rest of the group all of my ideas. My enthusiasm (combined with the fact that I had not yet established trust or relationship) resulted in the rest of the group shutting down while giving verbal support to my ideas. However, over the next few days, I began to hear from others that the entire committee was frustrated with me, and the event was now in jeopardy. I had to go back to the committee and apologize for speaking without listening, and then I had to make it safe for them to talk. When I did that, I learned so much about the history and tradition associated with that event and could see that I had been on the verge of causing damage to the culture. I needed to take the time to listen, understand history, and get the whole story.

The added bonus is that when you take time to learn the whole story, you are much more likely to be able to discern if it is true or if it is not.  In Deuteronomy 18:21-22, Moses provided some direction to the people of Israel to help them understand how to discern this, when he said, “And if you say in your heart, ‘How may we know the word that the Lord has not spoken?’— when a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the word does not come to pass or come true, that is a word that the Lord has not spoken; the prophet has spoken it presumptuously. You need not be afraid of him.” He made the point that if you take the time to observe and get the whole story, beginning to end, you can tell if it is true or not.

It is easy for a leader to assume that leadership means taking charge and giving direction. However, I believe that these principles from Scripture give us a very different picture: leadership should be characterized by listening. Ask questions. Make it safe for people to share. Validate. And make sure you get the whole story before you react.

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Quote Your Dad

“Sometimes it costs less to pay someone else to do it than it does to do it yourself.”

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Podcast Episode 9 – You Don’t Have to Do Everything

This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article on the same topi: learning to delegate. Here is the transcript of the podcast:

Have you ever worn yourself out doing something by yourself because no one else will do it, or because they will not do it as well as you know it needs to be done?  I have, and on today’s episode, that’s the question we are going to explore.  It’s really the question of control, of whether or not we are willing to relinquish control and to ask, assign, or allow someone else to do something.  Therefore, we’re going to talk about the importance of delegating.

In the first few months of my first experience as Head of School, I was confronted with this lesson.  And I mean that literally – my boss confronted me about it.  I was young, and although I had administrative experience, it had been in a supporting role.  I had never had my own administrative assistant before, and I was used to doing all the detail work on my own in order for my necessary tasks to be done, and to be done well.  But now I was the Head of 

School, with an administrative assistant.  In spite of that, I was doing my own detail work – preparing and printing documents, managing my calendar, and running errands for myself.  It didn’t take long before my boss called me into his office to tell me I needed to delegate to my assistant.  I felt guilty about handing off work that I could do myself . . . until he reminded me that there was other work that I needed to be doing that she couldn’t, and therefore I needed to give her work that she could do for me, so I could focus on the other things that only I could do.  He also reminded me that by not delegating many of these things to her, I was preventing her from doing her job well, which was not fair to her.  

The truth is, you cannot do it all.  Exodus 18 paints a picture of this with Moses when we see him handling ALL of the legal disputes and cases.  His father-in-law pointed out to him that it was a pace he could not maintain, and explained how the end result would be bad for both Moses and the people.  In the same way, if you are leading an organization, you are not and should not be a one-man show.  And so, you need to be willing to delegate.  Other people have skills that you do not have (or they need to be able to learn those skills), or they have specific responsibilities that are part of their duties, and so it is important that you not get in the way of that, for their sake as well as yours.  You also need to be willing to let them do it even if you don’t think they can do it as well as you.  First of all, humility is a much better character trait than arrogance, so accept that you might not be as good as you think, and they might be better than you think.  Second of all, they cannot learn and grow the way that they need to if they are not given the opportunity to try and to make mistakes. 

This boils down to the fact that the ability – and the willingness – to delegate is an important and necessary skill. Remember, It’s not just important for you, it’s also important for them. In your leadership, you need to be looking for three things:

  • Those things that should be done by someone else, because that person is better at it than you, or that person has the responsibility to do it, and you don’t.
  • Those things that can be done by someone else, and be done well enough, in order to free you to put more focus on things that are more important for you to do. 

  • Those things that ought to be given by you to someone else, so that you can be intentional about giving them opportunities for growth.

Here’s what you need to take away:  If you don’t learn to delegate appropriately, both your leadership and your personal well-being will suffer.  You will likely burn out, cause others to feel unvalued or inconsequential, and your work will become less effective and less excellent.  As my dad would say, sometimes it costs less to pay someone else to do something than to do it yourself.  In this case, it will likely cost you more to do it yourself than it would if you were to delegate.

So, it’s time to self-reflect and identify where, why, and how you need to begin delegating.  If you already are, that’s wonderful, but if you are not, then go back to three things you need to look for:  what should be done by someone else, what can be done by someone else, and what you ought to give to someone else.  Then take your first step, and delegate.

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Delegate Like Moses

I am not a micro-manager, nor do I try to do everything.  I have learned (sometimes in humiliating fashion) that there are many who have far more knowledge and much greater ability than I do.  And so I have also learned the value of asking questions and letting other people do what they do well.  At times, though, that has not prevented me from trying to control, manage, or do everything, usually because of the mistaken assumption that only I can do what needs to be done in the way it needs to be done.  The result, typically, is that I become exhausted or overwhelmed, others are deprived of the opportunity to grow and excel, and there are things that get missed, all because I did not delegate.

Exodus 18:13-27 provides a fantastic example of the lesson of delegation.  What’s described in this passage is the story of how Moses, the leader of Israel’s exodus from Egypt, was hard at work doing what leaders often do:  managing conflict.  His father-in-law came to visit and observed Moses’ leadership activity, and this is what he saw: 1) Moses was the primary decision-maker, and 2) it was consuming him (v. 13).  In fact, it is worth noting that he was so committed to the task of ministry that he was unable to tend to his family (verse 2 says that Moses had sent his wife and children to stay with her parents during this time).  When his father-in-law observed this, he decided to step in, paint a picture of what was happening, and provide some counsel to teach Moses the value of delegating.

A verse-by-verse analysis of that passage in Exodus provides a wealth of information that helps us understand this principle of delegation.  First, we see the problem with Moses’ failure to delegate (vv. 14-16), and the resulting impact (vv. 17-18). Moses’ method of leadership revealed:

  1. Micro-management – he was trying to do it all, by himself;
  2. Over-commitment – it was consuming his entire day, to the neglect of other needs;
  3. Self-importance – he believed he was the only one who could do it; and
  4. Spiritual justification – he justified his behavior as an important task for God.

The effect of this method included:

  1. Collateral damage – it impacted the people around him who were trying to help;
  2. Burnout – he was literally wearing himself (and others) out;
  3. Over-burdened – he was carrying too much weight and responsibility, which would make him ineffective; and
  4. Isolation – he was trying to do all this by himself, which left him alone.

Then we see the proposed solution (vv. 19-22) and the expected benefit (vv. 22-23) of changing his method.  A change in leadership style, specifically by learning to delegate, would involve six components:

  1. Advocating – establishing himself as the representative of the people;
  2. Communicating – expressing expectations and instructions;
  3. Selecting – choosing additional leadership, people who were capable, had integrity, and feared God;
  4. Delegating – assigning tasks and responsibility;
  5. Empowering – providing the authority to serve and lead in the assigned roles; and
  6. Regulating – establishing the hierarchy, division of responsibilities, and process of managing and supervising.

The result of this type of delegation would make the work of the ministry much easier.  Because the load would be shared, it would produce these benefits for both Moses and the people:

  1. It would be God’s work, not Moses’ work;
  2. As a result, the direction would be more clear;
  3. The burden would be bearable; and
  4. The customers would be satisfied.

Moses did listen to his father-in-law (demonstrating a teachable spirit) and incorporated these suggestions into his leadership practice.  This passage in Exodus concludes with a description of how he did this, by selecting competent leaders and giving them their responsibilities. They fulfilled their responsibilities well, while Moses continued to manage the most difficult issues and conflicts.  This is a powerful lesson and example for us as leaders.  All too often, under the guise of “serving God,” we do too much and do it by ourselves, believing that this behavior is a mark of spirituality and a servant’s heart.  In reality, it makes us ineffective for God, and most of the time, it damages relationships (particularly those closest to us – our families).  Learning to delegate is a valuable principle and practice of leadership, demonstrated by Moses.  Let’s follow that example.

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Quote Your Dad

“The mind can absorb no more than the seat can endure.” (Pastor Jack McMaster on why he didn’t preach long sermons)

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Podcast episode 8 – Give People a Chance to Try

This week’s episode builds on Monday’s article on the same topic: the importance of giving people the opportunity to try. Here is the transcript of the podcast:

Have you ever thought, “If only someone would give me a chance”? I have, and on today’s episode, that’s the question we are going to explore. Whether it’s fear of failure or of how it might make you look, unrealistic expectations or perfectionism, or for some other reason, often we are looking for a chance but don’t take the opportunity when it presents itself. So today, we are going to talk about why it matters to try something that is new or that scares you, and why it’s important to give the people you work with the opportunity to try as well. 

I have to admit, I’m a little bit of a perfectionist.  Or maybe a lot of a perfectionist. For that reason, and mixed with my people-pleasing tendency, I will sometimes resist trying something that I think  I might not do right the first time, especially if someone else is watching. But I’ve also learned I need to try anyway.  I once tried to sing in the choir at church, and the director asked me to narrate the program because my singing was throwing off everybody around me (think “Barney Fife” in the Andy Griffith episode where the church choir was singing in a competition).  But I also remember the first time I was offered a head of school role. I felt unqualified and unprepared, but I also knew it was what God was calling me to do, so I tried, and God blessed the work and grew me.

Clearly, I was not successful in everything I tried, but if I hadn’t tried, I wouldn’t have been successful in anything. A big part of the learning is in the doing, and if I waited until I was perfect and knew everything before trying, chances are I would never try.  Along the way, I found some things I could learn to do well and others that were not in my wheelhouse.  But even in the things I learned to do well, I made a lot of mistakes along the way, so I needed to give myself permission to make those mistakes, or else I might have quit trying.

There is a learning curve in everything new that you do, and research shows that the first part of a learning curve is actually a dip in performance before the improvement and growth begin to happen.  Often, people will experience this initial decline, assume it means failure, and quit before the upswing in growth.  You need to understand this in yourself, but you also need to understand it in others. It is in the trying and the doing that you will learn, grow, and develop.  Likewise, it is in the trying and the doing that those you are mentoring or leading will learn, grow, and develop, so it actually becomes your responsibility to find ways for them to try. Side note here:  like I said on the last episode, if you don’t make it safe for them to fail, you probably won’t be able to convince them to try.

So here’s what you need to take away:  I have often told students when dealing with a discipline situation, that if I were perfect, I could expect the same from them, but I’m not, so I can’t.  In the same way, you will not be perfect the first time you try something, nor will others that you are leading or developing.  However, you – and they – will learn in the process, therefore, it is so important that you be willing to try, and that you give others the opportunity to try as well. 

The bottom line is this – you need to be willing to try, and willing to give others a chance to try as well.  As I already mentioned when I referenced the last episode, making it safe to fail is a critical factor in getting people to be willing to try.  If they – and you – don’t try, you will never know if you can, and you jeopardize your own learning and growth.  So give yourself and others a chance to try.

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