Tag Archive for: #leadershipezra

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it teaches us about helping people have the right frame of mind.

My grandson seemed to not be in a good mood, and was not being very cooperative or kind. At the time that he was struggling with his attitude, he decided that he wanted something and demanded it. His mom, my daughter, told him he needed to ask nicely and say please, to which he informed her (in all seriousness) that he had used up all of his pleases, so he couldn’t do that.

What I watched my daughter do next was brilliant. Without reacting to him, she asked him a completely different question. She asked him if he wanted to help her make some coffee. He loves to help do things – in fact, recently he told me that his favorite thing to do was to be my helper – so he immediately jumped up and said that he wanted to help. He then helped to make coffee for everyone, and his attitude completely turned around. He became joyful and kind, asked nicely for things, and “found his pleases.”

For whatever reason, he had been in the wrong frame of mind. It could’ve been because he was bored, hungry, upset about something else, or a number of other reasons. But, regardless, his attitude was out of sorts, and it was affecting his perspective on everything. The response that my daughter took did two things: it redirected his focus to something positive that was meaningful to him, and it gave him something to do that affirmed his value.

That’s a tremendous lesson that we can apply to our leadership activities and relationships. Sometimes people are not in the right frame of mind, and it affects their emotions, their behavior, and their performance. We may or may not know what those reasons are, but there is still something that we can do. We can redirect their focus and their responsibilities so that they can do something that is meaningful to them and affirms their value. When that happens, it gets them out of the cycle or pattern that is keeping them in a negative frame of mind, and lets them redirect or refocus themselves. What you have really done is given them purpose and value, which will likely, in turn, affect how they feel and behave.

So the lesson on leadership from this little thing in life, this story of my grandson running out of pleases, is that there may very well be something you can do to help change someone’s attitude and frame of mind. You won’t do it by reacting or belittling. But if you can refocus their attention and their efforts to an opportunity that provides meaning and value, you may just help someone completely change their day.

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it teaches us some things that we can learn from making messes.

When my granddaughter was a year and a half old, she would make messes everywhere. Specifically, she would dump all of her toys out on the floor. For example, she would point to the Duplo building blocks because she wanted to play with them, and when I would hand her the bag, she would immediately dump it upside down. Duplos everywhere! Then she would try to start putting them together to build something, and would get frustrated because they weren’t going together the way that she wanted them to, and then she would hand some to me, asking me to help put them together. I would let her struggle a little bit, and then I would step in and help build something for her, and she would get all excited. It wouldn’t take very long before she would lose interest in what she was playing with and would want to go play with something else, leaving behind a mess that needed to be cleaned up. But everything that she was doing with those toys was part of her learning and development. 

The same is true for all people, so I see in this illustration at least four things that are important for the growth and development of people around us. You may find more lessons that are valuable for you, but these four jump out to me pretty quickly.

1. When people are learning something new, they will inevitably make messes. Yes, there will be things that you can do to mitigate how much of a mess is made, but just the fact that it is new, and that they have limited experience and knowledge about it (that’s what makes it new!), will result in messes being made as part of the learning process. Make it safe for those messes to happen.
2. There will be struggle, and the struggle is also an important part of the learning process. It is in the struggle that they will gain experience, learn what works and what doesn’t work, build their strength, and learn valuable lessons, like perseverance.
3. They will probably need help somewhere along the way. However, you have the power to make it safe for them to ask questions, ask for help, and learn from the experience. If you shut them down, or make them feel stupid or like a failure, or react with only negative consequences, they will not ask for help, and will likely not learn what you need them to learn.
4. Finally, there will likely be some cleanup that you will have to do. That comes with making messes. Of course you want people to learn how to clean up their own messes, but because they are just learning, the mess can be overwhelming to them, and they need your help. So teach them what to do to clean up or make things right again, but also help them do it.

People are flawed, learning is a necessary and natural process, and messes will be made. The lessons we can learn for leadership from a little thing in life, like my granddaughter dumping toys all over the floor, are valuable for your leadership. Understand and accept that people will mess up when they are learning. Remember that struggle is necessary for growth. Make it safe for people to ask for help, and encourage them to do so. And be prepared to do some cleanup. Basic lessons from a simple experience, yet incredibly important!