“You can’t outgive God.”
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One of my father’s many great attributes was the character trait of #humility. As a teenager and a young man, I was often in awe at his capability and competence in so many areas, and yet he was never arrogant or prideful, and would not boast about his own accomplishments or abilities. Seemingly in spite of his extroverted nature and his constant interaction with people, he never seemed to be drawing attention to his own successes, but rather, poured into others. Like many young people, I suppose, I wished that everyone else could see how great my father was, yet he never seemed to point out those things in himself.
I finally began to better understand this about him when I was a senior in high school and was receiving a particular accolade. There was a brief mention of this accomplishment in the local newspaper, and the next time one of my aunts came to visit, she mentioned the article and said to me, in front of my dad, that she had had no idea of my level of accomplishment before. I remember my dad saying to me, “Jeff, if you’re good, you don’t have to tell people, they’ll tell you.” At first, on the surface, that seemed like a simple statement, but now I realize that my dad was trying to teach me two very important things:
- Humility is one of the most valuable character traits a person can have. No one likes pompous arrogance. It is unattractive to brag about yourself and makes you look needy, selfish, and insecure. In fact, #JimCollins points out in his best-selling book Good to Great that humility is one of the two primary attributes of a Level 5 Leader. So my dad taught me to see my skills and abilities as gifts from God to be used for the benefit of others, not for my own recognition.
- Your actions speak louder than your words. One of his other many sayings (one I’ve often referenced) was, “Your walk talks and your talk talks, but your walk talks louder than your talk talks.” He knew – and he taught me – that people would be far more affected by my actions than my words, and that it would be my actions that would make my words believable. So he taught me to let my actions speak for me.
#TomNelson, in his book Work Matters, points out that “we are witnesses by our words, but we also witness by our work. The excellence of our work often gives us the credibility to speak of the excellence of our Lord Jesus and to share the good news of the gospel with our coworkers.” (p. 96) In saying this, he reminds us of this same truth, that people will judge us, and by extension will judge our God, by the quality and competence of the work we do. In turn, people will draw conclusions about us based on what they see. And that’s why Dr. #HenryCloud, in Necessary Endings, states that “the best predictor of the future is the past.” (p. 93) He points out that what we have seen people do and how we have seen them act in the past gives us the best picture of what they are likely to be like in the future.
The book of Proverbs echos this sentiment in Proverbs 27:2, which says, “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger and not your own lips,” and in Proverbs 22:29, which says, “Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings, he will not stand before unknown men.” The New Testament, in Philippians, talks about the fact that Jesus humbled himself (for the purpose of providing our salvation), but that God exalted Him. In a similar manner, in our service and obedience to God, we ought to be humbling ourselves and glorifying Him, then letting others judge us by what we do and how we live, and letting God do the lifting up in the way that best completes His purpose. Proverbs 3:4 reminds us that a life lived this way brings “favor and high esteem in the sight of God and man.”
For good or for ill, people will draw conclusions about us based on what they observe. Therefore, as leaders, workers, followers, husbands and wives, students and teachers, or in whatever role we find ourselves, we ought to do our best and we ought to do it well. But we shouldn’t need to point it out; rather, we need to model humility along the way. Your work and your actions should be such that people can see what you do, and see for themselves that you do it well, without you needing to arrogantly inflate yourself (and as a follower of Jesus, they should see a reflection of Him in your life at the same time). When that happens, they will be much more likely to appreciate your gifts and accomplishments than to resent them. So I will say the same thing to you that my dad said to me: If you’re good, you don’t have to tell people, they’ll tell you.
“Either it’s true or it’s not.” That was one of the phrases that I heard frequently from my father when I was younger, and, while it seems to be a simple statement, I have learned that it contains great truth. It makes me think of a commercial that ran on television for an insurance company in which a woman tells her friend that she is going on a date with a French model that she met online. When the “French model” shows up, he is obviously not what he claimed to be, but in her response, she claims that it must be true because she read it on the Internet. Or think about the typical statement that may be made by a politician, the typical news story, or frequent social media claims (including the wealthy widow from Nigeria who needs your help to get her millions out of the country). Often, what is said comes from a personal bias, from a desire to win approval (or re-election), from incomplete information, or is simply a flat-out lie. And many (most?) people are quick to accept what they hear as truth, without question. The reality is, that just because someone or something claims to be true does not mean that it is.
This is not a problem that is new to the current digital age. On October 30, 1938, a dramatic broadcast of Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds caused a reaction due to its realistic portrayal of an alien invasion from Mars. In actuality, few people believed it to be true, but it still sparked a media outrage from the printed news on the believability of broadcast news. And history is full of rumors and legends that caused reactions and responses because a story was believed to be true.
This leads me to the importance of having an “either it’s true or it’s not” mindset. You will inevitably hear claims, statements, and rumors from every direction, whether from an employee, a supervisor, a constituent, or an external source. When you do, sometimes the tendency is to jump, and then to react immediately with a response because of what you have heard. But that’s dangerous, because it may be that what you have heard is not true, contains misinformation, or is misleading or incomplete. And if that is so, your response could potentially make matters worse and reflect poorly on you.
When you understand that everything you hear may or may not be true, you will learn to respond to information by first confirming its truth. What a difference that makes in your decision-making! On a surface level, this is as simple as checking facts and data to make sure that they are accurate. When it involves people, it requires asking questions to determine the full story and get all of the available information. And on a deeper level, it requires identifying nuances and implications to see if what is being stated is a valid application, because, as the study of statistics teaches us, “correlation does not imply causation” (which means that, just because two phenomena happen together, one did not necessarily cause the other even if it appears that way).
So what should you do? A wise leader, upon hearing information, will remind himself that “either it’s true or it’s not,” and be diligent to determine the truth. Ask questions, look up facts, differentiate between causation and correlation, and get the full story. Then, whether it’s true or not, you will be more equipped to respond appropriately and will therefore make better decisions.
“You learn most things by experience, but it’s usually less painful for you if it’s someone else’s experience.”
I regularly make reference to lessons I have learned throughout my life from my dad, and more often than not, it comes in the form of a quote. I will be addressing a situation, speaking about a topic, or giving counsel or advice to someone, and I will say something like, “My dad used to say, . . . ” and then I will quote my dad. He was gifted at sharing seemingly simple platitudes that had profound meaning, and over the years I have come to appreciate the things he said more and more.
This particular post centers around one of those things he would say: “The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.” Like many of the things he said to me, it was simple and catchy, but with real depth when you spend some time thinking about it (which, of course, I have done). It seems to me that this simple little saying has several valuable implications:
- You don’t – and can’t – know everything. If there is anything that we have learned in this information age, it is that there seems to be an infinite amount of knowledge (some of it good, some of it not so much) accessible to us. Much of it can be found in a couple of seconds with a Google search, but there is far more information out there than one person can know or remember. However, this also means that it is probably more important in today’s world to know where and how to find information, than it is to know it all anyway.
- Realize that other people know things you don’t know (and vice versa). Although you can’t know everything about everything, and you probably can’t even know everything about one thing, there are probably some things about which you are much more knowledgeable than others. Perhaps from having more experience, or from specific study, or from natural inclination, but regardless, you are likely an “expert” on something; at least, much more so than many others. But the same thing is true for those others. They are likely “experts” on things of which your knowledge and experience is much more limited. Therefore, it is a mark of wisdom and good leadership to recognize this, and to learn from and partner with others who know things you don’t know, or who can do things that you can’t do (or can’t do as well). Once again, that’s why it is probably more important in today’s world to know where and how to find information, than it is to know it all anyway.
- Never stop learning. Even though you can’t know it all, that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to learn more. Each generation builds on the knowledge gained by the previous generation, and we should be part of the process of building that knowledge. In addition, building our knowledge also makes us better at what we do, because we have learned more and know more.
Putting this all together, it means that as you grow in knowledge, experience, and wisdom, you become much more aware of how much it is that you still don’t know. That realization should help to keep you humble about your own knowledge and expertise and should make you more willing to make use of the knowledge and abilities of others. At the same time, even with the realization that you can’t know everything, you still should never stop learning more. The more you continue to learn, the more you can grow and improve.